MIM Ezine, April 10, 2007

-- "The Reconstruction of a Youth Leader: Thoughts About Prayer" by R. Scott Miller.

-- Book Review: "Seeing in the Dark: Getting the Facts on Depression and Finding Hope Again,"by Gary Kinnamon and Richard Jacobs,reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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Leading a ministry group through conflict can be one of the most challenging dimensions of spiritual leadership. Conflict is inevitable wherever people are involved. Many in ministry leadership wear out or burn out with the constant pressures of navigating conflict. It is like white water rafting a constantly changing river. The guide needs to watch vigilantly for the changing clues and signs of how the currents are flowing.

In the same manner a ministry leader is attentively observing the currents among the leaders of the ministry as well as the needs of the mission. Since these are constantly evolving and changing, a few simple communication techniques will prove quite useful.

The beauty of this approach is that the leader does not need to guess the right emotion. He/she only needs to get close. The other person will respond to the question with greater clarity. Aunt Sally might say, “No, not upset, just frustrated. I know how hard Betty and Sarah work to keep the kitchen clean for Sunday mornings.”

The leader using these four techniques will help clarify issues and problems before they become personal conflicts. Identifying disagreements and illuminating differences will enhance productive discussion and creative problem solving. When sharing information with other leaders, the ministry leader can accurately represent the various interests around the table.

One more technique is quite useful for the ministry leader: story listening. People tell their leaders all kinds of stories. Some of them are quite incredible while others may seem pointless, but they are stories of their lives. They represent their values, their fears, their hopes, and their dreams.

I visited one man in the hospital just before he was to undergo surgery on his heart. While a doctor might consider it a routine surgery, it is always traumatic to the patient and family. There are always risks.

This man took several minutes to tell me about his adventures as a teenaged driver, and when he and his friends would race down the highway at speeds above the speed limit. Whenever they drew the attention of the police, they would head down an isolated county road where they could hide in an abandoned barn. They never got caught.

I don’t know about the accuracy of the story or how frequently this actually happened. Those questions were immaterial. Why was he telling me this story at this time and this place? What was he revealing about the state of his mind and heart?

His adult son who was alert to these listening techniques looked at me and smiled. He had never heard these stories, but he understood. His father was saying he would get through this surgery alright. Even though he had abused his heart with smoking and overeating, he believed he would pull through this time. And he did.

Listening to the stories people choose to tell can reveal much of their thoughts and feelings to the ministry leader. A leader who learns to ask responsive questions, paraphrases, and perception checks will discover much of the fears and worries, hopes and dreams of the people. These are the clues and signs of the rapidly flowing currents of the river.

Many thanks to Dennis Mohler, one of my MIM partners, who taught me these techniques many years ago. I hope they can help you as much as they have helped me.

Tom Hanover has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for over 30 years, the last four as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southwest Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and MDiv and DMin degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton.

Have you thought about prayer lately? How do you pray? Is your prayer something that sounds like it came out of King James? Or does it sound like it came out of a dramatic reading? Or do you talk with God like it is a conversation with someone you love very much?

Lately, I have been thinking about prayer. I love to hear teenagers pray. I love those stumbling, fumbling attempts to pray in public. I also love to hear when our teenagers really get prayer; when they really understand that this is a chance to speak to someone who loves us very much.

Sometimes as adults we get caught up in our own theological understanding about things. We come up with the idea that praying to God is a very formal thing. I often hear more “Thee’s” and “Thou’s” than is currently used in the English language today.

I am not picking on the way people pray. I do not want to mislead teenagers into thinking that God is only approachable in a formal way. Prayer should be anything but formal. It should be something very personal. It should be very approachable. It should be a conversation.

A number of years ago a guy in my youth group by the name of Moose began a prayer in this way. “Hey, God, it’s us.” It sounded like a joke at first. But as many things do, it became a tradition. Unfortunately, this prayer has also been misunderstood by some people as well. Some people have considered it to be disrespectful.

In thinking about this, I looked at one of the most personal prayers Jesus prayed. Mark 14:36"Abba, Father," he said, "everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will." (NIV)

I think sometimes we just run over this prayer thinking that it is no different than when Jesus taught us the Lord’s prayer. But this is different. Jesus uses the word: “Abba.” The definition in Easton’s Bible Dictionary intrigues me. “This Syriac or Chaldee word is found three times in the New Testament (Mark 14:36; Rom. 8:15; Gal. 4:6), and in each case is followed by its Greek equivalent, which is translated "father." It is a term expressing warm affection and filial confidence. It has no perfect equivalent in our language.”

Abba is a word so personal and warm that there is no such word in the English language. This totally blows me away. It makes my imagination go wild. Once again we have gotten so caught up in our theological depth that we forgot that prayer was a conversation of the heart and Jesus was the model.

So how have you been praying? Have you been going to God with your heart so open that the words are not defined? Are you willing to pray to God in public in a way that people know it is truly a conversation to someone who loves you? I don’t know about you but for me that makes me even want to pray more. “Hey God, it’s me, Scott. Boy, do I have some things to talk to you about!”

Feel free to contact Scott to either agree, disagree or just pick his brain about youth ministry you can contact him at: rscottmiller1@aol.com Scott would love to hear from you!

R. Scott Miller is the Director of Christian Education and Youth at Milford First United Methodist Church in the suburbs of Cincinnati, OH. In his 17 years of youth ministry, Scott has written and developed much of the youth programming used in his churches. Scott has a B.A. in Radio/TV and Journalism from Morehead State University and an M.A. from Asbury Theological Seminary. Scott is the author of7 Things Christians Don't Do and What To Do Instead by Abingdon Press.

Seeing in the Dark: Getting the Facts on Depression and Finding Hope Again

Gary Kinnamon and Richard Jacobs, MD, 2006, Bethany House, 108 pages, ISBN #10:0764201999

Many people, Christians included, suffer from depression. Seeing in the Dark is a great pastoral and counseling resource on the subject and is written by two highly qualified individuals who have experienced depression first hand.

Gary Kinnaman, a senior pastor of a congregation of 6,000 at Word of Grace Church near Phoenix, has worked for decades counseling people with depression while battling his own depression. Richard Jacobs is a medical doctor who shared in his wife’s struggle with clinical depression. These life-changing events allowed both authors to see depression with new eyes and understand the private hell that those facing depression must deal with.

Their first-hand knowledge lends a validity you will not find in most self-help books. Because of their experience with the pain of depression, they realize it is not a simple matter of thinking the right way. And it is not brought on by a Christian’s inability to apply spiritual principles to his/her life.

Seeing in the Dark chronicles the personal journeys of the authors as well as their loved-ones while covering many aspects of this disease from a Christian standpoint. A chapter on myths about depression includes the burden Christians put on other Christians who wrestle with it. Ways of recognizing depression and its symptoms are discussed as well as the most common types, and why some people are more genetically pre-disposed to suffer from it.

The book also includes biblical references to people who suffered from depression, and concludes with suggestions as to how readers can improve their lifestyles so they can live a more balanced life.

Seeing in the Dark offers hope for those suffering from depression. The book is an excellent tool for those wishing to present workshops on depression, as a counseling resource, or even a self-help tool. Anyone who counsels should have this book on his/her shelf.

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MIM Ezine- April 10, 2007