MIM Ezine, August 01, 2009

-- Book Review, "Mothers of the Bible Speak to Mothers of Today," By Kathi Macias, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

This past month has been a mixture of exiting events and severe disappointments. We’ve finally set a date for Java Journey, our Christian coffee shop ministry to move into the location for our storefront. If all goes as planned it will happen on July 1. We will have to work hard at getting the space ready for occupancy but we’ve had a good response from fellow Christians and churches in the area who wish to climb on board and make the dream a reality. We even have a team of volunteers coming from Greensboro, North Carolina, to help us work on the build out.

One would think that with all of this exciting news I’d be walking on air, but instead I’ve been wrestling with depression. I can’t blame it on one earth-shattering event, but a series of annoying disappointments that undermined my trust in people—people I thought I could depend on. You see, several professing Christians in un-related situations have let me down.

In one case someone my husband and I both love and to whom we had extended mercy ended up “biting the hand that feeds him” by failing to pay money he owed us after we gave him a break on his monthly rent. Instead of acting responsible, he chose to disappear without warning, taking our church’s new laptop with him. We knew this fellow had a past, but he was also in recovery and he seemed to have his feet securely under him. He was a committed Christian and very responsible and he had a heart for ministering to the underprivileged. Unfortunately, he fell in with the wrong crowd and suffered relapse wounding us in the downfall. We are still trying to work through our hurts and disappointment.

I was let down by other Christians as well. I paid one to edit a manuscript, but she only completed part of the job. (I’ve given up on getting anything more from her.) Another person agreed to critique a different manuscript for me. I agreed to critique hers in return. But after waiting and waiting, I contacted her and was met with a variety of excuses. It appears that it’s not going to happen. Then there is the Christian publishing house that accepted and paid for another book manuscript from me, but is keeping me in limbo regarding when it will ever be published. Even at work I’ve been dealing with the “Flake Factor” as Christians indicate an interest in volunteering, but then act drifty when I try to get them to commit.

When we are met with below par behavior by those who claim to follow Christ, it can cause our spirits to sink down like a rock. Human beings can be very disappointing. Shouldn’t Christian folks be people we can count on?

Well, yes and no. Christian leaders are especially held to a higher standard, as well they should be because they govern and lead others and many look to them for mentoring and guidance (Titus 1:6-9). However, we are all frail human beings and as Paul put it, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.”

Anytime we expect people to perform flawlessly we set ourselves up for disappointment. After all Christ followers are not perfect, they are merely forgiven.

We can guard against disappointment by lowering our expectations, but we also need to be aware of the dangers of becoming cynical. It’s easy to do when we’ve had our hopes crushed. Some may feel the solution is not to trust people so implicitly. After all, if we don’t put our faith in people we won’t open ourselves up to disappointment. What we need to remember is that for everyone who has disappointed us, we have probably disappointed someone else.

I don’t profess to have all the answers for coping with these let downs, but here are some things I’ve learned.

· If we wish to receive grace for our own mistakes, we need to learn to extend it to others who have also fallen short.

· When we are disappointed by someone’s actions we need to stop and identify the hurt instead of letting it fester unnamed.

· We need to ask God to keep our hearts tender so that scar tissue doesn’t cause us to become cynical and distrusting.

· Giving people a second chance is a Godly characteristic. We should do the same but with shrewd judgment and the setting of boundaries so we are less likely to fall victim to the same mistakes again.

As Christ followers we are called to forgive seventy times seven (Matt. 18:21-22). When someone breaches our trust the hurt can stick in us like barbs. It is difficult to trust them ever again, but not impossible. We need to pray over the wrong and forgive that other person.

God wants us to reach for excellence, not perfectionism. Perfectionism only sets people up for failure. Let’s keep this in mind when dealing with other human beings. At some point they are bound to disappoint us. Each one of us is a work in progress. With each mistake God gives us the chance to begin anew.

I tell them that before you have kids, you are the star in the movie of your life. After you have kids, you’re lucky if you can get a speaking part.

You’re an extra on the set of your own movie. When the credits roll on the reel of your life, your part will be listed toward the very bottom as: “Lady driving car” or “Man who handed out money.”

Don’t get me wrong; I love being a parent. I always have. Even before I had kids, I used to fantasize about being a great parent, a nice parent, the kind of parent that didn’t turn into a raving maniac when things went wrong. That was before I learned that there is no such thing. You can have a nice buddy, a nice grandparent, a nice teacher, but there is no such thing as a nice parent.

Sure, we all want to be nice. We start off that way and try being nice for a while, but the problem is that “nice” just doesn’t work. Try being nice and your kids will own you. You know what does work? Being a raving maniac. That’s what works.

That’s why the raving maniac parenting method is method-of-choice the world over.

Nice = Doesn’t work (i.e. your child grows up and makes frequent appearances on Jerry Springer and COPS.)

Raving Maniac = Successful parenting! (i.e. The only time your kid is on TV is when he’s holding a trophy.)

I love watching new parents interacting with their little ones as they discover this revelation for the first time.

“Honey, Mommy says to get away from the electrical cords. No, no, honey. Nooo. Cords are dangerous, sweetie. Dan-ger-ous. No… NO! I SAID GET AWAY FROM THE STINKIN’ CORDS!”

If the people we were before we had kids could see us, now they wouldn’t even recognize us.

So, you ask, how does it ever get to that point? What causes this transformation from a relatively normal person into this Incredible Hulk-type parent? What is the catalyst for this behavior?

I think it’s the fact that kids never shut their mouths. Ever. You’ve got this incessant monologue (or polylogue, if you have more than one kid) running all the time and you can’t hear yourself think.

We drove to Florida on vacation last year with the kids in the back seat and they talked the whole time. About three or four hours into the trip they started playing that cloud game where they look at the clouds and see what images they can see.

“Look, Dad, that one’s an angel. Look over there, Daddy. There’s a mommy holding a baby. Look, Daddy, there’s a little doggy. Look, Daddy (ad infinitum).”

While they were doing this, it occurred to me that the cloud game is sort of like an inkblot test. They were seeing all of these beautiful images, so I was thinking that they must have wonderful little psyches. But it was starting to worry me about my own, because I was looking at the exact same cloud formations and seeing completely different pictures.

“Look at that one over there, kids. That one looks like a dad driving off leaving the kids at the gas station. That one over there looks like a daddy throwing himself out of the window of a car.”

I’m just kidding, of course, and the important thing is that my kids know it. They know their father loves them and that there is nothing they can do to change that.

Sometimes I wonder what this world would be like if all of us had that same security—if we all were aware of how much our heavenly father loves us. How would we react when we turn on the television and hear bad news about the economy? Would we still fret about our job, our bills, our responsibilities?

“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” (Ps. 9:10) NIV

Well, it’s time to wrap this up and go pick up the kids. And, hey, if you happen to see me acting like a raving maniac out in public sometime—well, I’m pretty good at it, so feel free to applaud.

In her inspirational book, Kathi Macias draws spiritual lessons from a variety of women in the Bible. Each chapter highlights one woman and includes: Eve, Hannah, the Widow of Zarephath, Sarah, Rizpah, the Proverbs 31 Woman, Rebekah, Bathesheba, Elizabeth, Rachel, Eunice, Lois, Salome, Leah, and Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Macias is very thorough in documenting the historical background, context and circumstances of each story. Though the mothering techniques of some of these women leave much to be desired, Macias addresses a wide range of emotional issues from gratitude, fear, and grief to patience, joy and perseverance within a setting of prayer and faithfulness. She also demonstrates what the reader can learn from both the failures and triumphs of these biblical women.

Macias’ description of the life of the Widow of Zarephath was particularly inspirational to me. Though each woman’s story is relevant to today’s mothers who are facing the same challenges despite the different eras in which they live.

Readers are given the opportunity at the end of the chapters to reflect individually on the lesson, and journal their responses or to discuss them as a group. Additional content includes inspirational motherhood based quotations and inspirational prayers.

This book is ideal for independent study, group study and discussion or even to be given as a gift to deserving mother.

Kathi Macias is a popular speaker and the award winning author of almost 30 fiction and non-fiction books. Some of her other books include: My son, John; Obsession, How Can I Run a Tight Ship When I’m Surrounded by Loose Cannons?; Beyond Me: Living a You-First Life in a Me-First World.

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DBMIM August 01, 2009