MIM Ezine - August 6, 2006

IN THIS ISSUE--

-- Unlocking Your Leadership:  Taking the Sting Out of the Killer “B’s”, Part II: Establishing Healthy Boundaries, By Teena Stewart

-- Med Depot, By Christian Comedian Charles Marshall

-- What is Leadership? An Interview with Dennis Mohler

-- "Leadership and Self-Deception:  Getting Out of the Box", by The Arbinger Institute, Book Review by Tom Hanover

Unlocking Your Leadership:  Taking the Sting Out of the Killer “B’s”

Part II: Establishing Healthy Boundaries

 By Teena Stewart

           In the last column (www.ministryinmotion.net/MIM_July_6_2006.html) we looked at failure to bond, the first article in my Killer B’s series. As stated in my previous article, failure to bond and failure to establish healthy boundaries--thee Killer B’s--hold us back from our leadership potential. In this article we will focus on boundaries.

           Boundaries are just what they sound like, a defining borderline that marks the turf for which we are responsible and the turf other people oversee. Boundary problems arise when we mistake other people’s turf as our own. Many of us don’t know we are trespassing on other people’s turf.

           “That’s so simple,” you may say. “Everyone can distinguish their responsibilities from the responsibilities of others.”  In reality, however, many of us are unaware that we are operating with blurred boundaries. The following are all indicators of boundary issues:  Depression, panic, resentment, passive-aggressiveness, codependency, identity confusion, difficulties being alone, masochism, victim mentality, blaming, over responsibility and guilt, under responsibility, feelings of obligation, feelings of being let down, isolation, extreme dependency, disorganization and lack of direction, procrastination, impulsiveness, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorders.¹

           Dan P Allender, PhD in his book, Leading with a Limp writes. “Every choice to do what you know you were meant to do—and to forsake the good things for the great things—will inevitably lead to new needs that present themselves as necessities.  To reduce chaos and complexity in our lives, we must build in margins and set boundaries; we have to limit what we do.  But the fact is that need is a wide maw, always open and waiting to devour us.”²

          When we don’t define our boundaries we waste our time and talents. In some cases it can consume us. The founding pastor of church has to do many different tasks in the church’s early years in order for operations to go smoothly. If he is still, however, creating brochures and setting up chairs by the time the church hits the 500-attendance mark, there are most likely boundary issues.  Instead of letting other staff or volunteers handle these responsibilities, he chooses to make that his turf rather than focusing on equipping others for ministry, which is probably, the area in which he should be concentrating. I’m not belittling brochure design. Printed materials are crucial for effective ministry and communication, but one must look at the big picture, where a person is currently serving in ministry, and what that position’s responsibilities entail. I doubt the senior pastor’s job description includes brochure design and setting up rooms with tables and chairs.

          The leader who micro-manages the details of other volunteers or staff’s work, constantly tweaking them, is refusing to stay on his own turf. The negatives of this are that those he micro-manages may become discouraged, even to the point of resigning.  Again, as with the senior pastor scenario, that leader is expending energy he could put to better and more powerful use elsewhere.

          The leader who is overwhelmed with work because she can’t say no for fear of hurting someone, or because she needs strokes of approval, or because she wants to appear as a noble martyr, must re-examine why she is overloaded.  To change the situation, she must learn to say, “no.” This does not mean she becomes defiant and selfish, but she develops a sense of balance and scrutinizes what she agrees to do with thought and prayer. This is difficult at first, but the more she practices choosing where and what she is involved in, the better she becomes at setting boundaries and the less overworked she will be.

          Another good way to establish boundaries is to write clear job descriptions and policies and procedures so that those serving in specific areas know what their position entails, how certain matters are to be handled, and what falls under their jurisdiction. If there is no clarity, boundaries are blurred and people tread on one another’s turf.

          As Allender puts it, leaders are faced with many choices every moment of every day. Our choices affect our outcome. The opportunities to which we say “yes” should tie in directly to our gifts and passions and where we feel called to serve best. Granted, every position has mundane tasks we must do. But saying “yes” because we believe no one else will do it may actually cheat someone else out of an opportunity for which they are suited and called.  

          Being overworked is not a Godly trait. Let me say it again. It is not a Godly trait to be overworked. Those who must always be in charge and must manage the fine details of the work of those with whom they come in contact most likely have boundary issues. Those who are burned out and feel overworked probably have boundary issues. Those who are peacemakers who prefer to duck and cover rather than confront, probably have boundary issues. Those who are unreliable and fail to complete tasks most likely have boundary issues.

          Leaders who do not establish clear boundaries are ripe for burnout and even a physical or emotional crash.  We cannot wave a magic wand and heal this area of our life, but we can learn to understand what boundaries are, where our boundaries end, and where other people’s boundaries begin. One crucial step we can take is to seek out an accountability ministry partner. 

          Choose someone you know and trust and then ask them to be a truth teller. Avoid the person who only offers platitudes. Find those who will speak up when they see you have bonding or boundary issues. (For bonding issues see my previous article in the www.ministryinmotion.net/MIM_July_6_2006.html ezine.)  By learning to see where our boundaries currently are, and where we should move them, we can develop healthy leadership and meet the potential God sees in us.

NOTE: 

¹ Dr. Henry Cloud, Changes that Heal, How to Understand Your Past to Ensure a Healthier Future (Grand Rapids, Zondervan, 1996) 185-193.

² Dan B. Allender, PhD, Leading with a Limp, (Colorado Springs, CO, Water Book Press, 1996) 127.  

Teena Stewart is a published writer, a ministry consultant and coach, and a product developer for Ministry in Motion. You can email her at smartwords@sbcglobal.net.  To learn more about Teena, her writing, and consulting services, click here.  

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Med Depot

By Charles Marshall

Hopefully I will soon be the proud father of a new kidney stone. I found out I was “with stone” a couple weeks ago when the little guy announced his presence with the traditional blinding bout of pain for which these tiny fellas are so well known and loved. Ah, stones. What’re you gonna do with ’em?

I’m hoping this one’s a pioneer stone, the kind that wants to explore the great beyond and see what’s out there, rather than a settler stone that thinks the spot he’s in might be a good place to settle down and raise a family.

So running back and forth to the doctor’s office these days gives me pause. Surely there must be some aspects of practicing medicine which we patients could do ourselves. Take, for example, guessing what’s wrong with the patient and then telling him to come back in two weeks if the prescription doesn’t work. We could pretty much handle that by ourselves without a doctor’s assistance, couldn’t we?

And this thought leads me to my next billion-dollar business idea. Go ahead and feel free to use it. I’ve got plenty of others.

How about this: We have Home Depot helping us to build it ourselves. We have Office Depot helping us to run our own businesses. Why not have a Med Depot, a place where medical do-it-yourselfers can go get supplies to do all those procedures that we normally pay big bucks to have professionals do for us?

Of course, we’ll still leave all the heavy lifting to the doctors. Those tricky procedures such as heart transplants, brain surgery, and robbing us blind; we’ll continue to let the experts handle.

But I see wide-open opportunity in other areas such as cosmetic surgery. Can it really be that hard? Take that part out. Tighten that up. Remove that. Personally, I think we’re ready to try it. I can hear the commercials now.

“So, Carl, I’m going in Friday to get a hair transplant.”

“You’re not going to pay someone to do that for you, are you, Frank?”

“Well, sure. What else can I do?”

“You ought to get on down to Med Depot. They’ve got Full-Growth Hair Transplant kits on sale this week for only 29.95!”

 “Really?”

“Sure! And while you’re there, why don’t you pick up a LypoQuick System to take care of that unsightly truck inner tube you carry around your waist?”

“Heh, heh. Yeah, I see what you mean, Carl! Thanks for recommendation. You’re a pal!”

Announcer: “Folks, next time you need superfluous medical treatment, think Med Depot!”

Of course, there’s some surgery that we just can’t do without such as the kind mentioned in Ezekiel 36:26— “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.” (NIV)

The picture here is the old heart is beyond repair and in need of replacement. Talk about getting some bad news at the doctor’s office. But the good news, of course, is that though there is no hope for the old heart, a transplant is possible and comes with a 100 percent chance of success. After all, it’s God doing the operation, right?

It’s amazing to me the extraordinary measures the Lord goes to in order to demonstrate his love to mankind. He’ll do surgery and not even charge us anything for it. And I believe that’s because he’s already paid the price for us.

By the way, just a word to my good doctor-buddies reading this: Hi guys! You see how I kid all of you. I’m a joker, all right! Of course, you know that I think all those involved in your noble and highly valued profession are very important. No need to get offended and blacklist me or anything. Ha, ha. I’m just a harmless comedian, remember? You know how silly we are! Well, now, no hard feelings, right? Okey-dokey then!

© 2006 Charles Marshall. Charles Marshall is a nationally known Christian comedian and author.  Visit his Web site at www.charlesmarshallcomedy.com or contact him via e-mail at charles@charlesmarshallcomedy.com.

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What is Leadership?

Dr. Dennis Mohler is Lead Pastor of the Walnut Street United Methodist Church in Chillicothe, Ohio, and a Church Consultant for DreamBuilders Ministries.  He is also one of the partners of Ministry in Motion overseeing many of the technical aspects of MIM.  Recently Jon Morgan, a student pastor at Methodist Theological Seminary, interviewed Dennis about leadership.  Here are several of his responses:

  1.. What is your definition of leadership?    

A leader is someone who can see above the crowd, can keep their eyes focused on the vision, and who has the skills to be able to keep things on target.

  2.. How would you describe your leadership style?

I see my self as a player/coach.  My role is to see that the team plays to its fullest potential.  I need to get the best players in their best positions and teach, motivate, and pull the best out of them.  At times I may need to step in and play the position for a while, or move my team around to find the best combination for the church to fulfill their mission and vision.  But collectively, we win or lose together.

  3.. How would you describe your conflict management style?

I try to address conflict issues quickly and up front.  I always try to seek a win-win solution, but realize that not every situation can be a win-win.  I try to look beneath the initial conflict issues at the systems playing out in the undercurrents and deal with the dysfunctional systems and not the specific issued itself.

  4.. What is the most important aspect of leadership that you have learned in your current field of work?

Vision!  A leader without a vision is destined to wander aimlessly.  In any leadership role it is imperative that the leader must keep focused and on track at all times.

  5.. What would you include in teaching a course in leadership? 

Understanding your own leadership style.

Helping a church discern their God-given vision for ministry.

How to find the systems inherent in any organization.

How to lead without leading.

Personnel management.

Volunteer and Staff Motivation.

Skill-sets and tools for effective leaders.

  6.. What is the role of power in leadership?  Power is something that every leader needs to have, but shouldn’t ever need to be seen using it.  A leader without power will be ineffective, but a true leader should be able to lead without making that power self-evident.  I don’t need to exert or force my authority on my congregation or staff and yet everyone knows that power is there.  Power and authority is earned through the trust and respect of those who work with you, and in my opinion, should never be abused.

  8.. How does your community (leadership staff, congregation, etc.) discern what God wants?  i.e. How do you know what direction to lead?

I take my time and look at:

Congregational strengths.

Congregational weaknesses.

Congregational dreams for the future.

Emerging needs in the church and community over the next 10 years or so.

Impediments that are stopping the church from living out its dreams.

Taking all of this information, the vision starts to rise to the surface and the congregation and leadership are able to discern the church’s unique, energizing, God-given vision.

   9.. How do you develop new leaders?

By continually searching for new persons with the skills to do a task, and giving the freedom and security to be able to lead while minimizing the risks.  I want to give potential leaders every opportunity to succeed, so I will train them -- or set them up with someone who will -- and prepare the way for success in any way that I can.  Then I continue to motivate and encourage them along the way.  This needs to be a continuous cycle so that leaders are being developed at various stages throughout the process.

  10.. What has been you biggest challenge? (This could be positive or negative.) 

Change.  The biggest challenge is developing the vision, knowing the vision, living the vision, and then trying to transform the steadfast status quo into living out the vision.  The period of time that it takes to develop the vision until you form enough critical mass to start bringing about actual transformation is a draining, challenging time.

  11.. What made you want to be a leader?

I don’t know that I ever decided that I wanted to be a leader.  I have a gift for administration and leadership, and the task that has been given to me as an ordained elder in the church thrusts that leadership onto me.  Not that being a pastor automatically makes you a leader, because it certainly doesn’t, but effective leaders make it through the challenges to be able to continue.

  12.. How do you motivate people?

I am an encourager.  At times I support some pretty off-the-wall ministries and plans.  Other times I am supporting a child or teen in something they are doing, or a staff member in their role.  If my staff and congregation trust me, it allows me the opportunity to work alongside of them, give them a hug, pat them on the back, help them through a crisis, and encourage them that they are fulfilling the work of the church’s vision.

Dennis Mohler, along with serving as a Lead Pastor is an active church consultant for DreamBuilders Ministries and is a coach and web designer for Ministry in Motion.  You can email him at dennis@dbmim.net.

Helping Churches Dream Dreams and Live out their Vision!

Leadership and Self-Deception:  Getting Out of the Box, by The Arbinger Institute

          2002, ISBN-13:  978-1-57675-174-9, 171 pages

Reviewed by Tom Hanover

        The Arbinger Institute is a management training and consulting firm as well as a scholarly consortium. The institute includes people from a variety of professions including business, law, economics, philosophy, education, and psychology.  Their focus is to help organizations reduce people problems and enhance bottom line results.

        While this book was not written with the local church or ministry in mind, it has useful insights for ministry leadership everywhere.  Churches, like many other organizations, are often blind to their own flaws and thus, resistant to the very solutions they seek.  Consequently, groups flounder and struggle when help is right in front of them.

        The book is written in story form to encourage the reader to see leadership from the eyes of Tom Callum, new senior manager at Zagrum Company.  As part of his orientation he learns about the habit of self-deception and that is part of the human condition and begins to apply his new insights into many dimensions of his life.

        For the ministry leader steeped in the Biblical literature, it is not a foreign concept.  Jesus taught many of the same principles in the gospels.

        However, in a culture increasingly unfamiliar with what Jesus actually said, it is a catchy way to gain insight on the human need for healing and recovery of God’s possibilities.  For ministry settings, its non-religious language and setting offer a fresh way to examine why the people we lead often resist the very key that can resolve many of our problems.  We don’t recognize some of the real ministry barriers and in many cases we are the barriers.

        The book is an easy read in story form.  Although it does become tedious in its analysis of the human condition, it is a worthy study for ministry leaders.

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