MIM Ezine, February 12, 2008

-- Book Review: "Successful Small Groups: From Concept to Practice," by Teena M. Stewart, reviewed by Tom Hanover.

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Editor’s Note: We have printed an excerpt of Teena’s new book, Successful Small Groups: from Concept to Practice, published by Beacon Hill Press. It is reprinted with permission from the publisher and the author. For more information, check out the included book review, or connect with Teena on the MIM blog.

There are two things you cannot do alone: marry and be a Christian. —Paul Tournier

Ask a leader of a growing and thriving church why the church is growing and thriving and he or she will likely tell you that small groups are a major reason. I have been involved in Christian small groups for many years and have seen firsthand the life transformation they bring about. Small groups secure a strong foundation for those wanting to experience the fullness of Christian community and grow mature in Christ.

Though many churches use the term small groups to refer to them, in reality small groups are known by a diversity of labels. You might hear them dubbed cell groups, Bible study groups, fellowship groups, affinity groups, recovery groups, core groups, community groups, branch groups, home-life groups, support groups, or even care groups.

Many more names abound. Despite the myriad of names, most Christian small groups have several features in common. They provide a sense of community and support for church members while giving them a safe and enjoyable atmosphere where they can learn biblical principles and grow in spiritual maturity together as a family. More and more churches are developing effective small-group ministries because they realize such groups are crucial for a healthy church ministry and for the maturation of the Christians they serve.

A crucial part of church planting includes learning as much as possible about the community in which you plan to build. A church planter and his wife establishing a church in a small northern California town canvassed residents in a door-to-door survey. Their interview included questions about lifestyle and culture and revealed a prominent felt need. Despite being surrounded by neighbors in a highly populated area, many people expressed feelings of isolation and loneliness.

The fierce independent American spirit and quest for financial security leaves many Americans materially wealthy but spiritually empty and lonely. We live in an extremely busy society where people rush from one commitment to another. Gone are the days of extended families living under one roof and horses and buggies passing in the streets where people could greet one another. Things moved at a much slower pace back then. Nowadays it isn’t uncommon for people to go days or even weeks without ever seeing or speaking to their neighbors. Privacy fences and garages allow people to come and go without ever having face-to-face encounters.

In addition, people no longer live in one place all of their lives. Job transfers often require that they move away from friends and family, and though they may pride themselves in their independence, in reality people may feel cut off from the world. America was built on the pioneer spirit, one of independence and self-sufficiency. All of these combined factors make it difficult to feel a sense of belonging. Inwardly they may ask, “Does anyone really care?”

Janet called Wendy, a friend she hadn’t spoken with in awhile, and learned that Wendy was experiencing this sense of disconnectedness. At the core of these feelings of isolation was a painful divorce. “How are things going?” Janet asked.

“I just can’t seem to feel connected at my church,” Wendy said. She explained that rather than go to the church she had been attending while married, she felt it would be less awkward to start afresh. (Her husband still attended the previous church.) At her new church she served in severalplaces—singing in the choir, helping with Vacation Bible School, and attending Sunday School, but she still felt isolated and detached.

Her new church was large. Her Sunday School class had as many as 50 to 75 people on a given Sunday. The large size prevented people from sharing on anything but a surface level. When Janet asked Wendy if her church had small groups, she was surprised to hear that they didn’t. Wendy wrestled with what to do and considered church-shopping again. A divorce recovery group or group for older singles might have been a better fit, connecting her with people

People need to be needed and accepted. The search for that sense of family and belonging brings many people to church in the first place. If they don’t feel they fit in within the first couple of visits, they will often move on. Those who stay, but remain only a part of the crowd rather than integrating into the core, usually experience disconnectedness and discontent. Churches that know how to connect their members instill in them a sense of belonging. These churches do better at retaining individuals for the long term.

Preventing exits from the church community is possible when we involve people in ministry opportunities shortly after their arrival. Even though Wendy felt out of place at her new church, some of her felt needs were being met through serving. This contributed to her loyalty despite her ambivalence. Volunteer opportunities allow people to give something back and to feel needed. When they know others are counting on their service, they become reliable, consistent members. Even more importantly, volunteering facilitates connecting with other people. Yet volunteering alone doesn’t always fulfill the connection need.

Small groups can meet this felt need for belonging on a more intimate level. One of Jeff Stewart’s roles as pastor of discipleship and small groups at Northgate Christian Fellowship is overseeing small groups and their development. When asked to explain why small groups are so important to the health of a church body, Jeff observes, “Small groups allow for a more concentrated form of ministry to be accomplished. People cannot build up and utilize intimate

Every church, no matter its size, can benefit from small groups. The larger a church grows, the more crucial it is to have them, because the sense of alienation increases with the size of the church body. Can you think back to an experience of coming to a church for the first time and not knowing anyone?

Now imagine coming back the next week and the next. You are only going to get to know people during or after the service, with perhaps only 5 to 10 minutes of socializing, maybe seeing different people each time. A typical worship service experience provides a scant chance for getting to know and bond with the other church attendees. Relationships remain surface.

That sense of disconnectedness leads to becoming a missing-in-action member. Attendance will be spotty at best, and people may drop off the radar screen completely. Their needs are more likely to be met in a small-group setting than in a large group. “The potential for meeting people’s needs is much higher in a small-group setting (face to face vs. face to back of head).” So reads a clever quote on New Hope Community Church’s small-group Web page, an extension of their church’s main Web page. New Hope, based in Walnut Creek, California, realizes that a worship service only affords people the opportunity to get to know the back of the head of the person who sits in front of them. Community is surface level because of insufficient time for relationships to expand to anything else.

Another benefit of small groups is that responsibility for shepherding and caring for the flock is taken off the shoulders of paid staff and placed elsewhere— a very biblical model. When Moses felt overwhelmed by his duties caring for the Israelites, Jethro, his savvy father-in-law, suggested that he assign people to oversee and make judgments over small groups of people (see Exod.18:13-27). This allowed Moses to tend to other matters. Church staff must equip members to lead, yet many staff members get sidetracked with managing details that members could actually handle. Churches with small-group leaders free their staff to fulfill other areas of administrative and leadership responsibilities.

I don’t know why I always wait until the last minute to buy my wife’s Valentine’s Day present. Most likely, it’s because I’m a guy.

It’s a terrifying ordeal trying to pick out a Valentine’s Day card on Valentine’s Day evening because there is absolutely no selection left. I don’t know who else could have bought up all the good cards, because all the men on the planet are standing right there beside me in the greeting card aisle.

The only cards left by that time are written in some strange, soap opera-type language that I don’t even understand and say things like, “My Darling, blah-blah rose petals something something cherish you yada yada eternity.”

Let me tell you, I’m as romantic as the next guy, but if I go home with a card like that, my wife is going to look at me like I just beamed down from the planet Weirdonia.

But the same thing happens every year. About one week before Valentine’s Day, I think that the big day is nowhere on the radar, so I figure I still have pul-lenty of time to shop for my wife. I decide to wait a bit longer and then I’ll get right on it. Yesiree, I’m going to get right on it.

About one day before Valentine’s Day, I realize it’s time to start thinking about what gift to buy, so I decide to research the subject by watching lots of television.

Around 5 p.m. on Valentine’s Day, I sense faint warning bells deep within me. I begin to feel there is some impending danger that threatens not only my happiness but perhaps my life as well. I’m not sure exactly what it is. Maybe something to do with my wife....

At 5:02 p.m. I experience a foxhole-grade terror as I perceive what that little item is that has escaped my attention. It is only then that I begin my five-step Valentine’s Day shopping ritual.

Step 2 — Go to the candy store and discover there is a world chocolate shortage. Briefly contemplate purchasing my wife a pack of Skittles for Valentine’s Day. Briefly contemplate an early death. Decide against the Skittles.

Step 3 — Rush to mall and enter swanky department store. Walk by the ladies’ unmentionables department and turn beet-red. Kill thirty minutes trying to work up enough nerve to enter said department. Enter ladies’ unmentionables department and get ugly looks from every woman within visual range. Have a moment of stark clarity, becoming aware that I never was, and never will be, the type of guy that can shop for that kind of stuff. Tear out of ladies’ unmentionables department like a convict with a pack of bloodhounds at his heels.

Step 4 — Enter regular women’s clothing department and become aware I have no idea what size my wife wears. Experience momentary elation as I remember her measurements are 48-38-7, but then realize that is my bicycle lock combination, not my wife’s measurements. Plummet into deep depression.

Step 5 — Resign myself to buying my way out of the dilemma. Go to jewelry store and wait in line behind about fifty thousand other schmos who are in the same predicament as myself.

It’s a shame that Valentine’s Day can turn into one more thing on our list to accomplish, isn’t it? That doesn’t seem like a very good way to celebrate our relationships.

Sometimes a relationship with God can be that way. We can go through all the motions without experiencing a real connection with a loving father. All of the trappings of Christianity—church services, reading the Bible, praying, etc.—can either be opportunities to connect with God, or just more stuff to tick off our lists in an effort to make sure we don’t get in trouble. If the latter is our motive, then we’ve managed to miss the romance of knowing God.

And speaking of romance, I have decided that this year is going to be different. I plan to go ahead and get a jump on shopping for a gift for my wife, right after I watch a little tele..., um, do some Valentine’s Day gift research.

Ministry in Motion has launched a new blog for readers just like you at http://ministryinmotionnet.blogspot.com/. It is a place to ask questions, exchange ideas, and encourage other ministry leaders in our growing network.

Successful Small Groups: From Concept to Practice by Teena M. Stewart, Beacon Hill Press, 2007, 190 pages, ISBN 978-0-8341-2337-3

How would one launch a small-group ministry in a local congregation? What would a leader need to know and what kind of problems would a leader need to solve?

Teena Stewart has put all of this and more in the pages of this new book, fresh off the presses. Stewart is the founder of Ministry in Motion (the website you are reading), small group leader, and published author. Her experience as a leader of small groups as well as her research into effective small groups is assembled for easy reading by even the novice to small group ministry.

Stewart is practical and down to earth. She offers simple examples of techniques and ideas. She writes about the basics developed from her own personal experience. Her principles are founded on scriptures, and she offers a number of illustrations.

The experienced small group leader will appreciate the fresh ideas and the appendix of small group resources in the back. The new small group leader will use this as a handbook for training other leaders as well as designing a small group program in a congregation.

In addition Stewart highlights the importance of recruiting, training, and supporting small group leaders in a couple of chapters on leadership development. Careful preparation and attention to the details can establish a ministry that will support leaders as opposed to burning them out.

How does a leader deal with dysfunctional groups or group members that kill the group with their participation? These are tough issues and Stewart tackles them with thoughtful analysis and gracious advice.

This is a practical well-written resource for any leader who is working with small groups.

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DBMIM -February 12, 2008