MIM Ezine, February 28, 2010

-- In the Huddle: Discipleship Through Intentional Community- "Christianity, Christ, and Culture," by Tim Burns.

-- Book Review, "Simple Compassion," by Keri Wyatt Kent, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

Last month Aunt Sophie erupted at the monthly church board meeting, stunning Pastor Alex and many of the board members. What would you do? You may want to check out “Eruptions” in last month’s issue of Ministry in Motion.

Pastor Alex sat up in his chair and cleared his throat. This bought him a few precious seconds by signaling that as spiritual leader of this congregation he was prepared to respond. In Pastor Alex’s mind, nothing could be further from the truth, but he needed to redirect their attention away from Aunt Sophie’s complaints and towards this new ministry.

Alex turned to Ned, the Finance Chair. Alex realized that he could have chosen the captain of the Education team or the head of trustees or several other persons. Many had been part of the conversation, but the pastor knew that Ned would handle this task with an even temperament and concise response.

“Ned, would you review for us all the steps we have taken to thoroughly examine this proposal? It seems to me,” Alex continued looking directly at Aunt Sophie, “that there are a lot of people who have already helped shape this ministry.”

Ned patiently and calmly – almost tediously – reviewed the meetings that had occurred and the agreements already approved that brought the leaders to this point. As Ned named the teams and leaders, many of them nodded their heads to affirm their agreement with Ned’s report.

Pastor Alex had accomplished three things. First, the energy of confrontation and conflict had dissipated with Ned’s calm description. This is important. When a conversation generates more heat than light, it is not helpful. Reducing the tension and anxiety in the room will help the group pay more attention to the topic instead of the interpersonal conflict.

Secondly, the misunderstood conspiracy of silence had been exposed. If Aunt Sophie was paying attention, she noticed that her idea was not supported by “everyone” as she thought.

Conflict breeds in privacy. When conversations are kept quiet in secret channels, then little disagreements can be encouraged to snowball into larger issues. Bringing these conversations into public discourse will clarify these disagreements and can reduce the potential for damaging conflict.

Because Pastor Alex is a preacher and preachers like to “drive the point home,” Alex reviewed for everyone – not just for Aunt Sophie – the organizational process for making these decisions. Pastor Alex was even gracious enough to note that Aunt Sophie acted appropriately to raise questions at the Board meeting. It is the sign of a healthy Board that can share and air disagreements.

On the other hand, this proposal did not come out of the blue. It had the involvement of many people and there were many signs of support and success.

To speculate, Aunt Sophie may or may not withdraw her complaints. And for some people, the issue had nothing to do with the complaint or even the church. Often there is just no other place where unhappy people can be heard.

But Pastor Alex knew that whoever he wanted to reach with this exercise was not necessarily Aunt Sophie. He watched others around the table. Some of the long time leaders had known Aunt Sophie for years. They were disappointed with her eruptions, but they had learned to ignore them. Some of the newer leaders were astonished and bewildered and could perhaps be influenced by her comments. But how the Board handled this outburst and criticism went a long way to cultivate the kind of leaders those newer and younger folks would become.

So instead of attacking Aunt Sophie, or trying to persuade her to change her attitude, Pastor Alex was really aiming his leadership at the others seated around the table. That was what really carried the day.

Aunt Sophie’s options were to retreat into silence or get up and stomp out of the room. The more violent and disruptive the behavior, the more direct and public the consequences would be.

To address this type of issue, many churches are adopting a covenant to help each other deal with criticism and conflict. Next issue, we’ll explore some of those options.

Tom Hanover is Advertising and Promo Director of MIM ezine. He has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for more than 35 years, including seven as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southern Ohio. He is currently Senior Pastor of Sulphur Grove UMC, a multisite ministry in Dayton. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and the MDIV and DMIN degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton. You can contact Tom at hanover@dbmim.net.

I might be different than most other people, and when I have any doubts, all I have to do is ask my wife or kids. But more accurately, I think I'm different than many others who call themselves Christ followers. When I came to Christ, my life looked really good on the outside, but was a complete mess on the inside. While dysfunctional doesn't begin to describe my family, we looked good from the curb. My brother, sisters and I all did well in school. We were in church every weekend, and lived in a modest, post WWII, GI bill funded neighborhood. Not quite a house with a 2 stall garage, white picket fence, dog and a fine trimmed yard, but close. So by any popular measure of cultural success, my family would have earned a healthy “B”. If I were to use another yardstick for the emotional health of my parents, siblings and myself, our report card would be one of those that the dog ate. Looking back, the only grade I could assign is just above failing.

So when I came to Christ, and found out that my life can be, and should be, transformed, I was ecstatic. Christ called me to leave my former life behind. As Romans 12:1-2 says, “Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” (NIV) I finally had an external reason as well as the promise of internal power to leave behind that emotionally painful place.

I once heard that when a person comes to Christ, he doesn't necessarily leave all the bad habits behind. For example, a bad cook before coming to Christ is still a bad cook after conversion. My struggle turned on this peg - because my life looked good, I was unaware of the internal transformation that I desperately needed. As a result, I hit my first spiritual wall.

While growing up, I was isolated. I had lived in a neighborhood separated from most of my classmates, and my siblings were more than five years older and younger. As a result, I did life by myself. My culture was one of rugged American individualism, although now I was dressed in a religious robe. Some of the verses I applied to memory in those first months were those that supported the idea of individualism, standing up for issues, opposing a worldly culture. Like my hero Captain Kirk from the U.S.S. Enterprise, my spirit was bent in a way that said, “I am going to do what I want, regardless of the consequences.” When I came to Christ, I only made a subtle shift. But eventually I had the power of heaven behind my efforts to single-handedly change the universe . . . or so I thought.

I was a perfect candidate to become a man with a new religion and a new cause. I had a new system of belief, and a new level of religious fervor, but I was not a disciple. Internally, I felt a new desire to serve and please God. Externally, that translated into a religious culture. I carried a new list of do’s and don'ts. I accepted the Christian “Prime Directive” of building and adhering to a new religious order. Yet as a person familiar with isolation, my self-imposed direction was not about engaging the culture, connecting with other individuals, and watching God transform them through the vehicle of community, accountability, transparency and grace. No, I walked softly and carried a big Bible, set on bludgeoning the entire world into accepting the grace and love of God.

This is the reason behind my thesis - I was different. I wanted to leave behind the life I knew, but had personal habits that made that goal almost unreachable. I wanted to bring others into the kingdom, but thought I would do it myself. Me and God – that was enough. So from my perspective, I couldn't figure out why others didn't share my zeal, or didn't see the need for transformation.

Most of my friends, and many of those who I meet in the Church today, have one half of the equation. On one hand, Christ followers often have the zeal to follow Christ, but not the desire to be transformed. Why leave behind a lifestyle that works pretty well? When the family is healthy and the job brings personal and financial satisfaction, what is there to transform? Doesn't God want us to live healthy, successful lives as evidence of his presence? We often hear this message in Christian country music and on Christian television all the time.

We may ask: What do I have - and why do I have to change it? Our temptation is to compromise the call, to live a culturally safe lifestyle. Rather than engage the culture with the transformational Gospel of Jesus Christ, this approach is lukewarm and takes the form of godliness, but denies the power thereof.

On the other hand, those who come to Christ from a disrupted emotional history want to change, but often have no idea how to accomplish this. They have little connectedness to friends and family and they fear that becoming a Christ follower means leaving the familiar behind. These individuals have the zeal to be transformed, but none of the relational support to follow faithfully. When the road becomes too rocky, they often turn aside, and go back to what is familiar to them. Their conversion results in isolation and the result is often a legalistic lifestyle that measures their own worth and everyone else by religious fiat.

I am reminded of Jesus’ parable of the good seed strewn on different soils. Some seed fell where the ground was shallow, sprouted quickly, but withered and died in the heat. Other seed fell on good soil, but was choked by the cares of the world, and became unfruitful. The goal that Jesus tried to point out to his followers was to become good soil, deep, broken up, and free of weeds. Jesus calls us to receive the Word with gladness and in response become fruitful. (Luke 8:5-18) As Christ followers, we are to be transformed (Romans 12:2) and then become a transforming catalyst on the world. (2 Corinthians 5:17-18).

The first century church was a culturally transformational force in their world. Individually members brought with them the zeal to change and follow in Jesus footsteps. Those who had everything willingly left it behind to follow Christ. Those who had nothing came into to an extended family, a unique tribe within the larger culture in which they were accepted and cared for. The result was that rather than creating a flash in the pan fad, or ingrown sect, they changed the world as they new it. As Christ followers, we are called to the same task. As Paul said “Follow me as I follow Christ”

In order to create and sustain their transformational influence, the church practiced intentional community. Alone, the individuals would have been easy targets for internal temptations, such as compromise and apathy, or external forces, such as burnout out, persecution or despair. As a tribe, together they changed the world.

In my next few columns I will explore more deeply these paths that rob the Church of her transformational influence in the world. Next month we will look at a church that is too similar to the world around it to be transformational. In subsequent months we will dig into our tendency to become, or stay insulated, isolated and ineffective.

Timothy Burns lives in West Michigan, and has written professionally for six years. Timothy’s writing reflects a deep connection to cultural influences, Christ centered living, and how often unwritten patterns can influence our behaviors and beliefs, because while people differ by continent and decade, human nature does not. The ability to identify the human element or organizational culture sets Timothy’s work apart from what can be otherwise commonplace copy. His writing spans topics of Christian living, apologetics, and the hidden benefits that often surface through personal trials.

Often we want to know what we can do to show that we care about those who are hurting in the world. Keri Wyatt Kent has put together a practical book of weekly devotions for women that focuses on just that. If we ourselves are not compassionate people, then we will have difficulty caring for or showing mercy to others.

The book is divided into four sections. The first, entitled “Compassion Begins with You,” focuses the reader’s attention on gaining a better understanding of themselves as God’s children. In Kent’s own words, “Every woman matters,” and we can make a difference just by being who we are.

Kent wraps up each chapter first with a Compassion Step that helps the reader evaluate how she is doing related to the chapter theme. Kent also provides a Community Step that offers suggestions for an activity that encourages involvement in order to become more aware and involved in needs outside of oneself.

The book’s remaining four sections are entitled “Compassion Grows in Community,” focusing readers on the loving people around them (family and neighbors). “Compassion Extends beyond Our Comfort Zones” challenges readers to step out of their comfort levels to minister to the poor and needy. Finally, “Compassion Offers God’s Love to the World” takes a look at global concerns, hunger, slavery, sex trafficking, disease and more.

Kent includes inspiring stories of individuals and groups who are making a difference by caring for others who are less fortunate. Each theme is tied in with scriptural principles.

Though some of the book’s content seems to cover material readers may already intuitively know, and some of the content in latter sections seems to replicate content covered in earlier ones, there are also so valuable tidbits. These include ideas for compassion-related projects and charitable causes with which individuals or groups might wish to become involved.

The back of the book includes a leader’s guide that advises leaders on how best to use the book as a devotional and study tool.

Teena Stewart is married to an ordained minister and is a published author, ministry consultant and coach. Her most recent book is Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice. For more info see http://www.serendipitini.com or http://www.ministryinmotion.net/teena_stewart.html. You can learn more about her coffee shop ministry at http://www.javajourney.org. You are welcome to email her with questions or comments at smartwords@embarqmail.

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DBMIM February 28, 2010