MIM Ezine, January 19, 2007

-- The Reconstruction of A Youth Worker- "Are You My Spac-ing?," by R. Scott Miller.

-- Book Review: "The Monday Morning Church: Out of the Sanctuary and into the Streets," by Jerry Cook, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

Shop at DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion’s Bookstore for Christian Books, CD, DVDs, Jewelry, Apparel & Gifts and Save! Order Books & Resources

“The Conference has abandoned us. I don’t know why we send them any money. They don’t care about us.”

I swallowed hard. Stalling, I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry you feel that way. I apologize if I have failed you.”

The other person looked perplexed. “Oh, I don’t mean you. I mean the … conference!”

I felt less guilty and more perplexed. After all, I represent the conference. What did she mean?

In order to navigate the white water rapids of conflict, people need to understand the sources of conflict. Correctly identifying the sources of conflict can determine the most helpful and effective responses.

White water rapids are a useful image for navigating conflict. River rapids change every day with the level of the water and subtle shifting of rocks and sand. Experienced rafters know the signs and clues to watch. They reveal the safe zones as well as the danger points.

Similarly, when navigating through the rapids of conflict, the ministry leader can learn to search for true sources of the conflict. Clarity about the source of conflict will help signal safe zones and danger points.

Experts organize potential sources of conflict into three areas: individual factors, interactional issues, and organizational conditions.

Individual factors are grouped into four sets: background factors, style factors, perceptions, and feelings. Differences in background can lead to conflict. For example, people from different cultural backgrounds may misinterpret each other’s responses. In some cultures the older person always speaks first. Others wait quietly for their turn. In some generations people never speak of intimate feelings. Among some people looking another person in the eye is daring and forward. Among others, looking away means you are hiding something.

Educational differences contribute to conflict. Some people are suspicious of education and make assumptions about other people’s values based on their education. There are background differences in values and in experience. I passed a truck on the highway whose bumper sticker read, “Back Off, City Boy.” The assumption is that only people who live in urban areas tailgate close enough to read the bumper sticker. It reveals a difference in background and experience.

How has God wired you? I am a thinker and a planner. While I have intense feelings, I rarely trust them. Sometimes, people fear that I don’t trust their feelings either. Or they sense I think their feelings are irrelevant. I have had to learn how to use “feeling” language to communicate more clearly with “feeling” people.

Some people are agenda oriented while others are focused on relationships. Some enjoy assertive and aggressive play in conversational negotiations while others prefer a more relaxed, passive pace.

I have a friend who never finishes a conversation. It is a little like a nudist in the woods swatting mosquitoes. One is always on the move. It used to frustrate me until I learned to participate in his style.

What is your preferred style in conflict? Do you withdraw or engage? Do you respond immediately or step back and reflect? Knowing your own factors will give tremendous insight to your own behavior.

The conversation at the beginning of this column shows how our perceptions were different. I perceived I represented the conference and, was therefore the target of her frustration. She assumed someone else personified the conference. Clarifying this difference opened the door to working together on her issues.

Are everyone’s perceptions accurate? Are those perceptions similar or congruent?

In my line of thinking feelings are a nuisance, but I’ve learned they are powerful shapers of behavior. So, we have to pay attention to them.

Some people can hear, understand, and reflect back the logic and reasoning of any particular decision; and still oppose it. Why? They resist because their feelings reveal conflict with values, perceptions, or purposes.

What are the feelings of the participants? How do they shape and form the behavior of the group?

Every preacher preaches three sermons: 1. the sermon that was intended, 2. the sermon that actually came out, and 3. the sermon the people heard. Rarely are all three the same. Every form of communication has to overcome incredible potential for error and misunderstanding.

From the sender’s point of view, is the information sufficient, clear, accurate, and complete? If not, the hearer may have to make assumptions about the intent of the communication. Those assumptions may be inaccurate or misunderstood.

The way to clarify information is to ask questions, paraphrase, and check perceptions. A number of listening techniques are useful here.

Some issues relate to the media for communication. There are three forms of media – words, tone of voice, and body language. We receive 58% of our communication through body language. We receive 35% through tone of voice and only 7% through the actual words. Hence, when we send an email, we operate at only 7% efficiency. That is why emoticons and short cut punctuation like J have become popular. Without the non-verbal’s a leader risks much misinterpretation.

When I walk into a conflicted church meeting, I intentionally do a couple of things. I enter the room with enthusiasm and warmth. I greet everyone and thank them for coming. I engage in some banter wherever I find someone open to it. And I take a seat at the head of the table.

I have not said anything about the topic of conflict. But I have indicated much with my behavior. I am willing to engage with the people with respect and grace. I am not intimidated by the conflict. And I am in charge.

That may not be appropriate for every role in ministry leadership, but an awareness of how we communicate beyond our words can help the leader offer direction and guidance to the group.

Some conflicts are receiver-based. Does the receiver of the communication speak the same language? Are there differences in understanding? This is obvious when one is speaking to a different culture through an interpreter. On the other hand, there are many differences of culture where we think we are speaking the same language. Do you know what they are with your team?

Organizational conditions refer to resources, structure, goals, roles, and norms. What are the priorities of the group? What resources will be divided with whom and why? Who is in charge? Who answers to whom? What is my role in the group and what is yours?

When the treasurer speaks about the limited availability of funds for a specific mission, it matters little that I may out rank the treasurer in the organizational flow chart. If there is no money, there is no money. That is the role and responsibility of the treasurer.

If, however, the treasurer is commenting on an impending decision regarding vision and policy; the insight may be regarded differently. Vision and policy is not solely the responsibility of the treasurer. Others have a role here as well.

Does the leader like a lot of give and take before making a decision? Does the leader prefer the group come to consensus before finalizing a decision? Who will interpret the decision outside the group? Differences in assumptions about these questions will lead to conflict.

While navigating these questions and concerns will not solve the conflict for the leader, it will help the leader diagnose a healthy and helpful response. Of course, real life is not so simple. Many conflicts may have more than one source. Still, the leader can strategically simplify responses to bring clarity and understanding to the group.

Tom Hanover has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for over 30 years, the last four as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southwest Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and MDiv and DMin degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton.

E-mail is the “in” way to communicate. Or is it? If you are talking to a teenager, you will find out that e-mail is definitely not the way to talk to your friends. One of the primary communication tools today is My Space.

My Space is a web space driven networking tool. It allows a person to link to their group of friends for easy communication. They can send private messages, public messages, comment on pictures, listen to each other’s favorite songs, view friends’ favorite video clips, or blog.

I am not an expert about My Space, but what I would like to do this month is to give you some ways to make use of this medium. Then, you can begin to grasp this new piece of youth culture.

First, I know that My Space has lots of baggage. Much of the advertising that My Space published is anything but Christian. (But that is how most advertising is on the Internet anyway.)

Unfortunately, it is also a way that stalkers have found teenagers. Teenagers on My Space reveal a bit too much about themselves at times when blogging or filling out questionnaires.

Let’s just scratch the surface of how to make use of it. If you do not already have a My Space presence, I suggest that you do so. The best way for a youth minister to do this is to open a My Space for your youth group. Once you have done this, let your youth know. Encourage them to not only link to it, but to add their top 10 friends. In doing this, their friends have an easier time finding your page.

Next, make sure you set your page to private. The reason for this is you do not want to contribute to the abuse of My Space. You only want people you approve to see your page, activities, pictures, and friends that are linked to your page.

Make use of the bulletins. A bulletin is an announcement you can send to all your “friends” linked to your page. It is similar to bulk e-mail. Everyone that is linked to your page will see the bulletin when it goes out. This is a great way to send out your weekly info and announcements. It is also a great way to be in contact with your kids about a last minute event or piece of info.

The video links on the page are a fun tool as well. If you do a video of your retreat or find something fun on You Tube, you can set up a link. When your page is viewed, the viewer can also watch the video.

The blog is also a potentially useful item. This is a great place to write in more detail about what is going on. It is also a great place to do a diary about retreats or trips as well. I use it to put my long term or monthly calendar up on the page so my students can easily find it.

Whether we like it or not, My Space is being used by our students. We are short sighted if we fail to use it too.

These are only a few starting tips on setting up your page. You could easily invest lots of time in this to make it very cool. You can also work with one or two of your kids to help you set it up. My Space is a great way to stay current with your kids.

Feel free to contact Scott to either agree, disagree or just pick his brain about youth ministry you can contact him at: rscottmiller1@aol.com Scott would love to hear from you!

R. Scott Miller is the Director of Christian Education and Youth at Milford First United Methodist Church in the suburbs of Cincinnati, OH. In his 16 years of youth ministry, Scott has written and developed much of the youth programming used in his churches. Scott has a B.A. in Radio/TV and Journalism from Morehead State University and an M.A. from Asbury Theological Seminary. Scott is the author of 7 Things Christians Don't Do and What To Do Instead by Abingdon Press.

Book Review – The Monday Morning Church: Out of the Sanctuary and Into the Streets

Reaching the world for Christ should not focus on fancy techniques or persuasive evangelization. The knowledge of how to bring life transformation to the unchurched starts with our own clear understanding of basic Christian principles. Once we have this foundational grasp, we can better reflect those principles as we spread Christ’s light in the everyday working world. Neither the church, as most of us think of it, nor evangelism is at the core, but rather the person of Jesus Christ. If we do not accurately grasp how he has transformed us through grace and reflect Him by our actions and responses to those around us, then anything else we say or do to “evangelize” will be ineffective.

As Cook puts it, “Any effort to present Jesus as Savior must focus on the church on Monday rather than the church on Sunday. No matter how big the church on Sunday becomes, it will never penetrate the culture with Jesus.” Cook goes on to state that only the Christian community participates in the church on Sunday. If noticed at all, it is by an unbelieving community remaining on the sidelines.

We are called to exhibit “incarnational” Christianity, but in order to really have an impact on others we must first redefine several key beliefs. First is how we see ministry, which encompasses both content and location, and is not confined to a church building. In addition we must rethink how we perceive the church: its function and its identity. It is not a church building, but rather the body of Christ in our world. We are part of that body. We are crucial to its function and effectiveness.

It’s also important for believers to consider why being a part of the church community is important as well as rethinking why they work. If we can view ourselves as having specific gifts and a divine assignment having been strategically placed where we are, even in the work place, we gain a significantly new perspective.

Finally, Cook motivates us to reconsider the distinctions we make between our profession (the way we earn a living) and our vocation (our destiny).

The Monday Morning Church focuses on helping us understand who we are in Christ helping us build confidence while grasping this new identity Christ has given us. Next, Cook shows us what we have to offer others because of our unique gifts and skills. Finally, he shows us how to live an exemplary life that includes action (not just talk) that will draw others to Christ.

If you are looking for a book with techniques and gimmicks on how to reach a lost world for Christ, this is not the book. However, this book will help the reader gain deeper understanding of God’s amazing grace, how God works in us to create a new creation, and how each of us have something unique and life changing to give back to the world. By the time you finish reading this book, you will comprehend what it means to reveal the “incarnational” Christ in your own everyday existence. It will teach you to teach others about the significance and impact of the Monday Morning Church.

Attention: Churches, Small Groups & Non-profits. Are You Paying Too Much for Books & Resources?

If you or your organization normally orders multiple copies of books and Christian resources you can save money by applying for a special discount coupon via DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion's online bookstore. The coupon is absolutely free with no strings attached. Email Teena Stewart at smartwords@sbcglobal to apply for this discount coupon.

Site Build It -- There are many different hosting plans for those wanting Christian websites but few work with you to drive traffic to your site. SBI differs from these because it is an all-in-one do-it-yourself website program that doesn’t require html knowledge. Includes domain registration, hosting, keyword research tools, search engine optimization, ezine mailing, and non-interactive blog option. The system guarantees success in getting good ranking with search engines thereby assuring you of more traffic. This website system is used by DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion. Site Build It Quick Tour

Shop at DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion’s Bookstore for Christian Books, CD, DVDs, Jewelry, Apparel & Gifts and Save! Order Books & Resources

Spread the Word/30 Fold provides books and resources for your church or ministry clientele while allowing you to earn residual income well above what other online book affiliate programs offer. Save up to 25% or more on Christian books, music, gifts, jewelry, and apparel. Build a highly profitable, sustainable business from home with excellent earning potential. Churches and ministries with websites can even link to their bookstore right from their web pages. Fund a ministry or church or run it as a business. Learn About STW Earning Potential

Be sure to visit Ministry in Motion's Bookshop. Every resource is developed from hands-on church experience. Help members discover their spiritual gifts, how to connect them in ministry and more. Visit MIM's Bookshop.

Just $10 per classified listing. For more information on advertising visit our advertising page

Ministry in Motion is looking for columnists & writers in the following areas: women's ministry, men's ministry, single's ministry, youth ministry, worship ministry, small group/bible study ministry, and general ministry. We are also open to general church ministry related freelance articles. If you have an idea for a column or would like to share ministry insight or even short ministry tips, we'd love to hear from you. Present payment is promotion only -- no pay but great exposure for you, your ministry, book, or website. Please read our writer's guidelines here.

One of the needs we have perceived at Ministry in Motion is a service to help connect qualified ministers and church workers to ministry related and church staff positions. If you are presently in job search mode, or if you have a ministry position you are looking to fill, be sure to check out this site by clicking here.

Magazines to help Christians grow spiritual and succeed in ministry. Discipleship Journal, Leadership Magazine, SpiritLed Woman, Christianity Today & Lots More! Click HERE for Magazines

MIM Ezine - January 19, 2007