MIM Ezine, January 9, 2008

-- Book Review: "Making Peace with Your Mom: Steps to a Healthier Mother-Daughter Relationship," by Norman Wright and Sheryl Wright MacCauley, reviewed by Teena M. Stewart.

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John flipped out the last lights and locked the last door. It was the wee hours of early Christmas Day. It had been a busy day and a long day. There were two services and all of the details and arrangements that go with creating special opportunities of worship like Christmas Eve.

Things had gone well and John was pleased with the attendance at both services, but there was this nagging sense of something out of place. And he knew what it was. He just wasn’t sure he wanted to deal with it in the wee hours of Christmas morning.

But the still small voice within his soul pondered loud enough for him to hear, “Just when would he address this nagging in his spirit?” And “Isn’t this the reason for having a Christmas anyway?”

Ministry leaders struggle with doing all the right things, planning a variety of ministry events, and working the crowd with polish and grace; but is it accomplishing the mission to which God has called the church? John knew many, if not most, of the people who attended on Christmas eve came for reasons unrelated to the message of God becoming human in Jesus Christ.

Is ministry leadership just a job? Is leading a congregation only another profession? Or do congregations still matter in the 21^st century?

I work in a position many would regard as denominational bureaucracy. On some days they would be correct. Some voices imply that local congregations are a vital component for under girding the real work of ministry that is done at national and global levels. But I have yet to have someone call my phone number to learn how to be a disciple of Jesus Christ.

Congregations still matter. There is no other place where disciples can be born, grow and mature, and be sent out to answer God’s call to ministry. If it does not happen in the congregation, it likely will not happen at all.

That is what troubled John. For all the plans, rehearsals, arrangements, and preparations to make Christmas Eve go just right, he wondered if they helped make any disciples. Churches - that see themselves as vendors of religious services and providers of congregational care - can succeed at attracting numbers of people. In our culture of fear and insecurity, there are always people looking for comfort and reassurance. But will these churches change the world?

That’s what nags at John. He answered the call to ministry leadership because he sensed God wanted to use him – among many others – to change the world for the sake of the Kingdom. Did Christmas Eve change anything for anyone?

Roxburgh and Romanuk argue that congregations still matter, but it is a different congregation than it was 50 years ago. The last few columns have developed themes from their book, The Missional Leader: Equipping Your Church to Reach a Changing World. (The reader can check out the Login Leadership columns for Nov 6, 2007, and Dec 7, 2007.)

There are two components of this missional congregation that will matter in the 21^st century. First, this congregation is scripturally centered. It develops the congregation’s life around its understanding of the Biblical message for today.

This does not presume any particular theological framework for this congregation. It does not have to be conservative, liberally, progressive, or evangelical. It does assume that the Biblical story is not only relevant, but essential for grasping hope and promise in our ever changing world.

A missional congregation would then devote significant resources of time and energy to studying, discussing, pondering, and praying over the scriptures. This would not only be the center of several groups and classes; it would be the focus of the church’s work in boards, councils, and committee meetings as well.

I served one church that always seemed to end their main administrative meeting in 90 minutes. No matter how light or heavy the agenda was, we started at 7 pm and ended at 8:30 pm.

I felt convicted to offer more leadership and direction about our identity as God’s people and God’s vision for our ministry. I started every meeting with 20-30 minutes of devotions, prayer, and discussion about where we saw God working in our lives and in our community.

That seemed to be a huge chunk of time to sacrifice for mission and ministry, but we still managed to end at 8:30 pm every time. The difference was that we were more focused on our task of leading the church’s mission and ministry.

Secondly, a missional congregation will avoid the temptation typical in many churches today by using the scriptures to provide only personal and individual comfort in a radically changing world. A missional congregation searches the scriptures and their community context to discover where God would lead them to make a difference. This is not about us. It is about what God wants to do in the world through us.

If Jesus commands us to go into all the world to make disciples, to what part of the world should we go? Who are the people we should befriend? How will we engage them? What do we have to offer that will change their world?

That’s what John pondered as he got into his car for his short jaunt home in the wee hours of Christmas morning. Christmas came to a few shepherds, some traveling immigrants, and a young couple huddled together in a stable or cave. Why? Because the political, economic, and religious institutions at the time would not have recognized God in their midst.

In my work I observe that churches still trying to make the old paradigm work – vending religious services and providing congregational care to troubled people – will struggle to survive. There are simply not enough resources to continue to maintain the buildings and budgets required to just serve people’s needs for comfort and assurance

Even churches that “get it,” understand the importance of God’s missional mandate, and who focus their life together around the scriptures will struggle, too. But the struggle for meager resources in the face of such overwhelming needs will be worth it. They will see transformation in themselves and in their communities. They will experience the wondrous birth of the Christ child in their very midst, no matter how humble it may appear to the outside world.

If this describes where you are, I invite you to click in next month when I wrestle with what missional leadership looks like in the 21^st century.

Tom Hanover has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for over 33 years, the last seven as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southern Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and MDiv and DMin degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton.

I know there is a little time lag from when I write my rants to when they are published. Though this will be a bit dated, I still have to rant about it.

I was in a combination bakery/restaurant that is rather popular across the country. I really like going here with my family, since there is something we all want and it is a place with a little less fast food feeling.

Unfortunately, this is an older restaurant in the chain and it didn’t have the cool fireplace my wife and daughter love to sit by. So, we took to the section with the high tables and stools. We were enjoying our food when we heard this loud argument/discussion. I looked over and saw a table with a half eaten sandwich, a quickly-cooling coffee, and a partially-open laptop; but no one there. My eyes moved to the loud discussion. It was a business person arguing on his cell phone.

Please, understand this wasn’t just a conversation. This guy was loud. He was pacing back and forth, waving his hands around like he was talking to someone in person.

I really tried not to hear his conversation. I was really looking forward to the peaceful atmosphere this place usually brings. Instead I was there for 20 minutes hearing this guy gripe about some other company being closed for the Christmas holiday and how that just ruins his plans.

I felt like going over and telling him, “Ohhh well! It’s Christmas. Let other people enjoy the time even if you are too big of a scrooge to enjoy it yourself.”

It wasn’t the argument about Christmas that really bothered me. It was the reminder to me about how accessible we are. Think about it. We can be out with our families or on vacation and anyone can interrupt important time away from the church with questions. Or just someone wanting to bug you.

I admit I love my palm phone, but think about what it allows. It gives me the opportunity to receive calls, texts, and e-mails. Even on my down time, I can receive an email when I should be staying away from work.

All of us need to learn to rest and relax; literally detox from information. It is amazing how an annoying, rude person reminded me that I need to look at how I handle my own time.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas and New Year and are looking forward to what God has in store for you in 2008.

Feel free to contact Scott to either agree, disagree or just pick his brain about youth ministry you can contact him at: rscottmiller1@aol.com Scott would love to hear from you!

R. Scott Miller is the Director of Christian Education and Youth at Milford First United Methodist Church in the suburbs of Cincinnati, OH. In his 17 years of youth ministry, Scott has written and developed much of the youth programming used in his churches. Scott has a B.A. in Radio/TV and Journalism from Morehead State University and an M.A. from Asbury Theological Seminary. Scott is the author of7 Things Christians Don't Do and What To Do Instead by Abingdon Press.

Ministry in Motion has launched a new blog for readers just like you at http://ministryinmotionnet.blogspot.com/. It is a place to ask questions, exchange ideas, and encourage other ministry leaders in our growing network.

Making Peace with Your Mom: Steps to a Healthier Mother-Daughter Relationship

A mother’s influence can leave a lasting impact on a daughter. Unfortunately, moms aren’t perfect, so the imprints are not always be positive.

Bestselling author H. Norman Wright, a licensed marriage, family and child therapist as well as a certified trauma specialist collaborated with his daughter Sheryl Wright MaCauley, an award-winning artist, to produce this book. Making Peace discusses the effect that moms have on their daughters and how mother/daughter relationships can be improved. Wright recognizes from his counseling ministry that many women struggle with their relationships with their moms.

Stories from MacCauley’s own experiences plus quotations and stories from women who have had both healthy and painful mom relationships, lend credibility to the theory the authors are exploring. It is also a subject matter that the reader can identify with and have the feeling that, “Yes, that is how it is between me and my mom.”

How mother raised us shapes our own well-being and how we cope with day to day life. If your relationship with your mom could use improvement, this book will guide you through self-analysis in order to gauge how healthy it is and ways to strengthen it. The authors focus on identifying behavior that creates negative emotions, like depression and anger, or results in hurtful feelings, such as rejection.

The chapters are formatted to include questions designed to pinpoint problem areas by encouraging readers to journal about their feelings and memories. Specific suggestions are provided for ways to improve areas of dysfunction.

No mother is perfect, though we may long for her to be. Wright and MacCauley give us permission to reflect on both the positives and negatives, and to use that information to grow and heal.

The book is a great resource for anyone involved in counseling or as a self-help tool for women.

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DBMIM -January 9, 2008