MIM Ezine, July 1, 2008

This has been a hectic few months as all 3 partners have been in transition. As many of you have been reading, Teena Stewart moved several months ago to North Carolina to start a Coffee House Ministry. Last week, Tom Hanover became the Senior Pastor in a church in Dayton, Ohio and Dennis Mohler followed him to be the District Superintendent in the Foothills District of the United Methodist Church in southeast Ohio this week. Hopefully as the summer progresses and boxes get unpacked everybody will get back ... in Motion!

-- Book Review: "Generation Next Parenting: A Savvy Parent’s Guide to Getting it Right," by Tricia Goyer, reviewed by Teena M. Stewart.

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“Only five more sermons to go,” Steve thought as he drove home from the church. He had enjoyed the last six years at Grace Church, but he also understood it was time to move on. He had learned a lot about people, life and ministry here. He had made his share of mistakes and won a few victories, too. So, Steve found himself sorting through a mix of many feelings as he drove home from one last time to do something that was characteristic to ministry.

Steve and his young family were moving to a new church. They were excited about the opportunities and the adventure of the move. They had made the four hour trip to the new town a couple of times to make arrangements about the house, the schools, and other arrangements.

All of these extra time demands both drained and energized Steve. Sometimes he noted that the stress and strain level in the family was higher than usual. Often, he thought it was related to the uncertainties around a move. The kids were feeling the waves of grief of losing good friends. His wife did not know what might be available for the part-time employment she needed to seek. She also wondered if she would have a place or a role in the new church. What would they expect of her? Even the family dog seemed to have unanswered questions.

How does a pastor and family make these transitions? Are there healthy patterns and steps? What can a family learn together about life and each other as they go through these transitions?

Moving experiences are not limited to pastors and their families. Many people go through relocations in our society today. Many of them make these changes in their lives without the support systems on which clergy and their families often depend.

William Bridges, author of Transitions, notes that all transitions are composed of three stages: an ending, a neutral zone, and a new beginning. For pastors changing churches the shifts often go deeper than merely showing up in a different office next week. For pastors and their families, it usually means leaving friends, familiar towns, jobs, houses, and comfortable routines to begin again in a completely different place. These changes go deeper than the surface. They are opportunities to explore who we are and who we choose to become.

Many years ago my wife and I made the decision to initiate a move to another part of the state. It was at a time when our children were in elementary school. It would be the first time moving would have such an impact on them. In our town they had made many friends, lived close to cousins, and had developed a life about them that was quite safe and rewarding.

When I shared with them that we would be leaving that town to go to a place where we had never lived before, they cried uncontrollably for the rest of the evening. I felt I had just sentenced them to some future of endless misery.

Later when our children became adults and faced their own challenges of finding their way in new communities, they noted how some of those transitions gave them confidence to launch new adventures of their own, and trained them how to form new friendships and networks.

For pastors and their families, moving can be an opportunity to explore those deeper values and visions of who we are and who God invites us to become. These questions take time to probe and ponder. They are topics that only some people in our church circles may have considered. Of course, their answers may be quite different from the answers others would seek.

Bridges notes that before one can make a new beginning, one needs to end well. How do pastors end well?

It begins with acknowledging one's preferred style in bringing closure to past experiences. In my last appointment, I invested much of my last year in traveling to the new assignment to direct the transitions. There was no clear line of demarcation from when I began the new assignment and ended the old one. The two assignments morphed into each other.

When I looked back on the completion of the old assignment, I realized I never ended. I just moved away.

Part of it I rationalized by admitting that it was not my responsibility to plan my own farewell party. But in all honesty, I hate farewell parties. I am an introvert who processes everything internally. When I am done with something, I have little need to sit through the processing of other people.

Now when I run into persons who were part of my life in that earlier assignment, I realize there is some unfinished work within me. I did not make the time and space to value and appreciate the gifts of those good people in my life.

I am in transition again with another move on the very near horizon. This time my leadership coach has coaxed me into initiating some opportunities to celebrate those gifts. Several times in the past few months I have met with a variety of people to talk about how to be a pastor or check on transition arrangements for my successor.

These are not moments to grieve over the changes or to pat myself on the back for significant accomplishments. Those are often subject to a range of diverse opinions. Instead they are times to note and affirm the accomplishments of the people with whom I am meeting. I want to pat them on the back and share with them what I have learned about life and ministry through them.

In administrative meetings I have noted with a brief comment that it would be my last time with them in that setting. I have even prepared one or two achievements for which I am grateful to have participated with them over the past period of time.

I do not enjoy large gatherings of people, especially if I have to be the center of attention. Makes you wonder why I entered ministry, doesn't it? Part of ending well is to participate in those assemblies. This gives people a chance to affirm and bring closure to their relationship with one person so that they may freely engage in a new relationship with a new person.

My superintending role is to consult with local church personnel committees in the process of changing pastors. I always encourage them to throw a party, if not several parties, to celebrate what God has done in their midst during this pastor's tenure. It is not a funeral and it is not legacy. It is a thanksgiving with the focus on God's activity among them. Ending well is preliminary to beginning well. That is important for churches as well as pastors.

Next month I'll comment on living in the transition stages and planning for a new start.

Tom Hanover is Advertising and Promo Director of MIM ezine. He has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for more than 30 years, the last seven as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southern Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and the MDIV and DMIN degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton. You can contact Tom at hanover@dbmim.net.

DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion is looking for reliable volunteers for several positions.

When I was young, I loved watching the plate spinning act at the circus where the man put porcelain plates on top of flexible poles and spun them. The motion kept the precariously balanced plates from falling, but as he added more, some began to wobble. This would set him into action by rushing backwards and forwards as he spun the plates faster keeping his constant attention on the motion of each of the plates. I remember holding my breath fearing the worst. Occasionally, he would lose a plate, but most of the time he maintained control, though even the most proficient plate spinner had a limit on how many plates he could manage before they began to crash.

Most of us can identify with the plate spinner and we can feel as frantic as he is as we spin our own multiple “plates.” We try to balance our time and attention between household management, parenting, marital duties, and work and church commitments, but we may often find that we are off balance.

I enjoy teaching spiritual gifts discovery courses. It is exciting to watch people learn about their gifts, skills, talents and experiences and how they can use them in service to God, but one problem my “students” face is feeling that they are stretched too thin. Many are so involved in other commitments outside of church, they have little time to give back to God.

God gave us our gifts for a purpose. Giving back is a sign of maturity, but how much time and energy we have to give depends on present life responsibilities. A young mom with kids has less extra time than a mom with older children. Single and retired people may have more time to give than married folks. No matter where you fit in, finding your personal balance is crucial.

I recently came back from a writer’s conference feeling overwhelmed. How could I possibly do everything I had on my list? The answer was that I couldn’t. So I set about praying over which things to let go of first, and I have begun purging those I feel should be relinquished or maybe even delegated. It’s not easy to do, but it is very freeing once you start the process.

It is also wise to periodically re-evaluate our lives and commitments and make changes to keep our lives balanced so we can effectively spin those plates. God doesn’t want self-centered followers who care only about themselves and their well-beings. He also doesn’t want overworked and exhausted servants. One of the best questions we can ask ourselves is whether it is crucial for me to be involved in this particular project. In today’s society our most valuable resources is not money or possessions, it’s time. Another question to ask is whether this use of my time is good stewardship.

Pray and listen for God’s answer regarding your many commitments. Force yourself to stop being unproductively busy and really listen to His voice in your life. He will reveal to us what is important to Him. Then decide how to create balance so that you serve Him by fulfilling those obligations that are most important. Without a doubt, it is a delicate balancing act.

Teena Stewart is a published author and ministry consultant and coach for DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion (www.ministryinmotion.net). Her book, Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice is available through Beacon Hill. For spiritual gifts resources developed by Teena visithttp://www.ministryinmotion.net/gift_spiritual.html

If you were born between the years 1961 and 1981, you are considered a “Gen Xer” and are more than likely raising your children based on the values and standards of your day. A large number of Gen Xers grew up as latch key children from dual income households. Many suffered through the fall-out of crumbling marriages where divorce took its toll. Their desire to be perfect parents while managing successful careers and giving their children opportunities they did not have themselves creates a pressure cooker of stress. And they are tugged from one obligation to another while attempting to hold their lives together.

No one understands better than author Tricia Goyer, who is also a Gen Xer and parent. Her book, Generation Next Parenting, incorporates parenting wisdom amidst a nostalgic look back at trends, catch phrases, songs and celebrities. Goyer excels at getting input from real people and she includes honest observations from other Gen X parents regarding their parenting experience. In addition, she incorporates research to back up her parenting advice.

The back of the book includes a study guide with a brief list of questions for each chapter and scripture references related to that topic. How-to books are often dry and dull, but Goyer’s nostalgic playful take and trip down memory lane makes parenting fun.

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Be sure to visit Ministry in Motion's Bookshop. Every resource is developed from hands-on church experience. Help members discover their spiritual gifts, how to connect them in ministry and more. Visit MIM's Bookshop.

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Ministry in Motion is looking for columnists & writers in the following areas: women's ministry, men's ministry, single's ministry, youth ministry, worship ministry, small group/bible study ministry, and general ministry. We are also open to general church ministry related freelance articles. If you have an idea for a column or would like to share ministry insight or even short ministry tips, we'd love to hear from you. Present payment is promotion only -- no pay but great exposure for you, your ministry, book, or website. Please read our writer's guidelines here.

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DBMIM- July 1, 2008