MIM Ezine, June 18, 2008

-- Men and Women: Same Planet, Different Universe - Part I, by Charles Marshall.

-- Book Review: "Forged in the Fire: Shaped by the Master," by Tim Burns, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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Except for today, I can only remember church being cancelled one time as an adult. That was when Jeff and I lived in Erie, Pennsylvania and snow was not a novelty. We have photos of the front of our house where the sidewalks looked like bobsled runs, the snow packed into high walls on each side. Despite the volume of the fluffy white stuff, it was rare indeed for schools to ever be delayed or cancelled. The residents knew how to handle the variations in the weather.

But one particular winter there was a blizzard so wild that the plows couldn’t get through, and the church’s parking lot was snowed under. My husband consulted with several of our elders by phone, and it was decided that we would do the unthinkable--cancel church that morning. Just as well, everyone would have been hibernating anyway.

But today, the church we’ve just started attending since relocating to Hickory, North Carolina, decided to cancel church. It’s June 1 and hot enough to boil water on the asphalt outside, so you can’t blame the cancellation on a snowstorm. Nope. This cancellation was planned. And though some would think it horrific to cancel church, I say, “Bravo,” to pastor Drake for making such a bold move.

You see, last week we had a guest come from a local women’s recovery shelter and share news about the scope of their ministry. God had given this woman a heart and vision for helping women down on their luck. Some of the women are prostitutes. Some are battered women. Others have drug addictions. And God has used this lady to launch a ministry to help these women and, whenever possible, bring them into a relationship with the Lord.

Much of the service the speaker’s ministry provides is through the church she attends, but she has often prayed over a specific home in the downtown area, feeling that that particular building was the right place to house the growing ministry. For three years she has prayed as she passed by the building. Finally, God answered her prayers through several generous monetary donations, which was just the amount needed to purchase the house.

So as she shared with us last Sunday, Pastor Drake gave us the opportunity after the service to sign up to help prepare this sprawling ranch home for the women it would be serving. People swarmed the table and the volunteer slots were quickly filled. The catch was, we would be doing all of the labor on Sunday morning. So instead of holding church, we’d go out in two large recruitments groups, one at 8 am and one at 10 am to work on painting, trimming, yard work and more.

As we labored shoulder to shoulder, church members chatted and got acquainted with each other and the bond of fellowship was strengthened while people learned what it meant to “worship” through actions.

Having worked in ministry for years, I can’t tell you how refreshing it was to see people out in the community instead of holed up in a comfortable building. It seems that we spend most of our time locked in our offices, putting all of our efforts into one or two hours on Sunday morning. Then we wonder why we don’t reach the world and why church isn’t relevant.

Of course, there are the practical sorts who would say, “But what about the people who show up for service and find no one there?” To them I would leave a note stating, “We’re out in the community doing community service.” After all, didn’t Jesus say to go out into all the world?

Teena Stewart is married to an ordained minister and is a published author, ministry consultant and coach. Her book, Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice is available through Beacon Hill, November 2007 or on her small groups page (http://www.ministryinmotion.net/group_bibles_studies.html.) The Stewarts are in the process of starting a coffee shop ministry in North Carolina. (http://www.javajourney.org). Email comments and questions to Teena at Smartwords@embarqmail.com

DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion is looking for reliable volunteers for several positions.

Men and Women: Same Planet, Different Universe - Part I
By Charles Marshall

Men and women have completely different definitions of what constitutes a logical conversation. Put simply, a man believes that an action (a statement or question) should produce an equal and opposite reaction (an answer that directly correlates to the proffered statement or question).
To demonstrate, I offer the following actual conversation that I just had with my wife on the phone:

Me: Hey honey, have I gotten any e-mail today?
Wife: No.
Me: Oh, OK. What're you doing right now?
Wife: I'm writing someone who e-mailed you and wanted some information
about having you speak to their group.
Me: I thought you said I don't have any e-mail.
Wife: You don't. I'm already answering it.
Me: Arrgggh!

The weird thing is that most women can look at the preceding transcription and still not see what the big deal is. Let me attempt to clarify the problem by conveying what the conversation sounded like to me.

Me: Hey honey, have I gotten any e-mail today?
What I heard my wife say: No, you haven't received any e-mail today.
There have been no electronic communications sent to you at all on this
day. No SPAM, no personal messages. Nothing. Nada. Zero.
Me: Oh, OK. What're you doing right now?
What I heard my wife say: I'm your wife from a different dimension who
speaks to you in an unintelligible language. Blabbity-jabbity, You've got
mail!
Me: I thought you said I don't have any e-mail.
What I heard my wife say: I may have said that, and I may not have.
You're in my alternative universe now where words have no meaning and rules
don't apply.
Me: Thump. Thump. Thump. (Sound of me repeatedly hitting my head
against the wall.)

Now, in the interest of fairness, here is what I think the same conversation sounded like to my wife.

What my wife heard me say: Hey honey, did I receive any e-mail that you
feel is relevant, or that you have any interest in telling me about?
Wife: No.
What my wife heard me say: Oh, OK. Let me start annoying you by getting
into your business. Tell me every little thing you're doing right now.
Wife: I'm writing someone who e-mailed you and wanted some information
about having you speak to their group.
What my wife heard me say: I formally accuse you of stating an untruth.
You clearly told me that, not only do I not have any e-mail now, but you also claimed that I have never received any e-mail in the past, nor will I ever receive any in the future.
Wife: I said no such thing. Where would you get such an absurd idea?
You never listen to a thing I tell you.

This type of misunderstanding inevitably leads to a fight, which one would think would offer some small measure of satisfaction because the unfettered exchange of thoughts and opinions might finally commence. But one would be dead wrong. The dialog during our fights is even more confusing and maddening.

Wife: You're yelling at me.
Me (normal voice): I was not yelling at you.
Wife: Yes you were. You're yelling right now.
Me (louder now): This is not yelling. This is raising my voice!
Wife: No, it's not. You're yelling at me.
Me: (yelling now): THAT WAS NOT YELLING! THIS IS YELLING!
Wife: (Starts crying)

Sometimes I think the whole thing might just be a case of same planet, different universe. We're using the same words but speaking different languages.
It seems a lot of us have the same problem in communicating with God. We expect him to lay it out for us exactly the way we want to hear it. We want to dictate to him how he talks to us, answers our prayers and meets our needs. And if he doesn't immediately conform to our ideals, then we claim he's either indifferent, hostile or non-existent. That doesn't seem exactly fair, does it? Maybe it would be best to start from the vantage point that God knows best how to communicate with us - in both language and content - and then do our best to interact with him on his terms, not our own.

I have to cut this short now because I have to go explain to my wife why my yelling at her to tell her I'm not yelling doesn't really count as yelling. That shouldn't be too difficult, should it?

We are all works in process. Just as gold goes through the refiner’s fire to separate the foreign metals from the valuable, true gold, we go through a similar process. What flaws will be revealed in us? Will these times draw us closer to God or will they expose weakness of character and a shaky spiritual foundation? How we respond to life’s challenges says much about our walk with God.

Tim Burns’ study, Forged in the Fire: Shaped by the Master, looks at four men of great influence in the Bible--David, Joseph, King Saul and Hezekiah. Each were placed in positions of authority. None were perfect, yet David and Joseph grew into strong, Godly leaders, while Saul and Hezekiah faltered in their faith.

How would we measure up? At times, Burns’ candid questions makes us squirm, but our answers reveal work areas where we can strengthen our most needed areas of growth.

Burns’ study is written in the tradition of Henry Blackaby’s Experiencing God. It comes in workbook format and leaves ample room for written reflection. The materials can be used as a small group study, but because of its in-depth nature seems best suited to independent study. It is sure to challenge the reader to stand firm in his or her faith and face the challenge to grow into a more mature relationship with Christ.

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DBMIM- June 18, 2008