MIM Ezine, Mach 21, 2008

-- Book Review: "Why Didn’t You Warn Me? How to Deal with Challenging Group Members," by Pat J. Sikora, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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Our women’s small group took a break from regular meetings and planned a girls’ night out at a ceramic studio. We opened the event to other women from our church. Several regular attendees came and also brought others who did not normally attend church.

Faith, one of our group members, had previously struck up a relationship with Aileen, the ceramic studio owner. Aileen watched with interest as Faith painted a dove on a ceramic bowl and added a scripture verse. She later pulled Faith aside to ask the verse’s meaning. Faith explained it while talking about her faith in God.

The next week Faith returned to work on another project. Aileen approached her again and asked if Faith could tell her more about her God, revealing that she, and her husband, were Muslims.

Later, when our group met for Bible study, Faith shared her experience with Aileen. We sensed that Aileen might be ready to hear about Christ and talked about ways Faith could make that connection. For instance, Muslims celebrate the religious holiday of Ramadan, which was approaching. Plus they had a high regard for Abraham. Maybe Faith could use these as connecting links. Our group had just begun studying the life of Christ that walked members through the four gospels. It seemed like a perfect starting place for someone like Aileen.

Would she be able to come on a Thursday night? Probably not, because she managed the store which was open on weeknights. We decided to invite her to attend our group; but if she were unable to make it, we would offer to bring our group to her.

First, be on the lookout for ways groups can include more people. Opening an outing to more people and moving it out into the market place allows us to rub shoulders with non-church members.

Second, look for ways groups can continue bridge building after making initial connections.

Third, remove as many obstacles as possible to allow someone to attend a group. Joining a new group is scary. If people seem reluctant, afraid, or unable to meet at your group’s present locale, offer the option of bringing the group to them.

Think outside of the box when it comes connecting with unchurched people. Holding meetings in coffee shops, store fronts, or even in the work place can draw new people into groups who might not otherwise come.

Teena Stewart is a published author, and ministry consultant/coach with DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion. Her book, Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice is available through Beacon Hill Press, (beaconhillbooks.com). You can read more about Teena at (http://www.ministryinmotion.net/teena_stewart.html) and her and husband Jeff’s new coffee shop ministry at (http://www.javajourney.org). Send Questions/Comments to Teena at javajourney.org (replace at with @)

My vote for the lamest super hero of all time would have to go to the Phantom.
The Phantom lived in the jungle and didn’t have any super powers at all. Instead he had a purple Spandex costume and a gun, which might explain why he had to ply his trade in the jungle. A few natives might’ve been impressed with a purple man and his bang-stick but it certainly wasn’t going to cut it with the League of Justice.
I think his best chance of having a super power lay in the fact that he wore Spandex in a tropical climate. Odor like that could’ve felled an attacking tribe at about fifty paces. You would think that at some point he would’ve picked up a few clothing tips from Tarzan.
Nevertheless, it was probably the influence of those two guys that inspired me to become a super hero myself. Thus, one summer morning when I was about 9 years old I put on a mask, a cape, and my swimsuit and ran into the woods behind my house to begin my life as Jungle Boy.
I wish I were just kidding.

There I engaged in super hero-type activities such as climbing trees (very painful in a swimsuit) and running through the woods (also painful because of the abundance of briar patches). I also engaged in other super hero activities such as spying on the neighbors in search of crime and practicing throwing sticks, which I thought might come in handy in case I encountered any bad guys.
Rumors soon abounded in my neighborhood about a skinny, albino monkey that had apparently escaped from the local zoo and was now terrorizing the local woods. While vigilante teams were organized, debate raged from yard to yard about whether the monkey should be shot on sight or whether an effort should be made to capture the poor beast.
So, after skulking around in the woods for a couple of days, I decided that my neighborhood was crime-free and it was time to hang up my cape, lest I find myself dead or locked up at the zoo.
I then turned my attention to the creation of my own comic book. The hero of my story was the intrepid Tornado Man, whose archenemy was the Gas Wizard. In addition to the more obvious problem of my villain’s name — whose super powers were not what you might suspect — was the problem that he was just way cooler than Tornado Man.

Tornado Man looked something like an inverted traffic cone and only had one super power. He could spin around really, really fast. That’s it. Nothing else. Just spinning around really, really fast. But in defense of Tornado Man and his creator, you need to understand that we’re talking about really, really fast spinning here.
The Gas Wizard, on the other hand, was wispy and stylish. He could fly and possessed a vast arsenal of poisonous gases that he used for sundry evil purposes.
In my debut (and final) comic book edition, the Gas Wizard used his paralyzing gas to, well, paralyze Tornado Man, but Tornado Man was able to free himself by spinning around really, really fast.
In a dramatic final battle sequence, Tornado Man dissolved the Gas Wizard by, you guessed it, spinning around really, really fast.
You can see why Tornado Man never made it to a second issue. There just didn’t seem to be that much to him. He may just as well have been running around in the woods wearing a swimsuit and cape.
The problem with real-life heroes is that they aren’t easily identified. They are never the flashy types you would see on the silver screen or in a comic book.
Take Jesus, for example. He was nothing like anyone expected. The Bible says, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him.” Isa. 53:2B (NIV)
His life was anything but glamorous. He came in the form of a baby in a manger and died as an accused criminal on a cross.
I find it encouraging that in God’s eyes the measure of a hero isn’t looks, ability, or strength, but simply the willingness to follow him in obedience, wherever that path might lead.
Unfortunately, I can’t spend any more time exploring this subject because I’ve got to do a load of laundry. I’ve had my Spandex costume on for about a week now and it’s starting to crackle when I walk.
In the meantime, look for me in the woods behind your neighborhood. Jungle Boy lives!

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There’s an old proverb that says, “Many people grow older, but few grow up.” Sadly, that could also be a commentary on the church and on our small groups. That’s why the number one focus of any group I lead is to bring people to maturity in Jesus Christ.

I believe that an effective small group can contribute to faster and deeper growth than almost any other type of ministry. I’ve never been interested in just warming a seat in the church service. I’m not even excited about evangelism in isolation. Yes, it’s important to worship and hear the Word taught. And yes, it’s vital to be a soul-winner. But in the American church, we have too many Christians who, even after 20 or 30 years in the faith, grow older but never seem to grow up: people who attend church, but don’t get involved; people who are won to salvation in Christ, but don’t mature.

In Ephesians 4:11-15, the apostle Paul reminds us that the gifts and offices are given to the church “to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (emphasis added). Note that, contrary to how many Christians live, this maturing process is not optional. Becoming mature is the purpose of every Christian and equipping people for maturity is the purpose of leadership.

In his book Let’s Have a Reformation, Jay Grimstead says, “Whatever Christian maturity is, all Christians are obligated to reach it as quickly as possible and all Christian leaders are obligated to help those sheep under their influence to reach that point.”

Why is this important? Paul continues, “Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming.” Today, as in Paul’s day, we live in a world that is full of false teaching, dishonesty, and deceitful schemes. Tolerance is the watchword. Anything goes. Orthodoxy is scorned with, “Whatever you believe is fine. Just don’t impose your beliefs on me.” In such a society, it’s easy to be thrown off course. It’s easy to lose track of what is an essential of the faith and what isn’t. Unfortunately, relying on the Sunday morning service alone won’t bring the average church-goer to the level of maturity required to counter the culture of this world.

That’s where the ministry of small groups becomes important. In a small group, we not only have the opportunity to hear, but also to study and interact with God’s Word. We have the opportunity to make ourselves accountable to one another for the truths we learn. And we have the opportunity to integrate those truths into the everyday structures of our lives—into our families, our jobs, and our neighborhoods—in very practical and personal ways. We grow in unity with one another, and in the process, we mature. We grow up. We become adult Christians: capable of discerning truth from error; capable of defending our beliefs in public or in private; capable of standing firm in the heat of trials and even persecution. In a small group more than almost any other place, you can experience the conclusion that Paul advocates: “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.”

Although I had been raised in a church, I was 28 years old before I heard the gospel. By then I had adopted far too many of the ways of the world. I managed to pull off a professional look on the outside, but inside I was a mess. My insecurities were reflected in skirts that were too short and necklines that were too deep, language that was too coarse, and attitudes that were too harsh. My life was meaningless, despite a national reputation in my field. Suicidal thoughts were my constant companions.

God, in his grace, immediately plunked me into a Christian singles group in San Francisco that used a small group approach. Every meeting incorporated the important elements that lead to growth and maturity.

After meeting me, several leaders shook their heads and whispered to one other, “We have a lot of work to do!” But rather than abandoning me to large group settings or ostracizing me because I didn’t fit in, they lovingly enfolded me in Bible study, discipleship, and service. They grew me up before I knew what was happening. Because of their excellent equipping, I matured quickly and was then able to do the same for others. That group was a perfect example of the role of the Body of Christ in bringing believers to maturity. Now I strive to replicate the process wherever I can.

Excerpted from Why didn’t You Warn Me? How to Deal with Challenging Group Members by Pat J. Sikora (Standard Publishing, 2007, Copyright © 2007 Pat J. Sikora). Pat is a popular writer, speaker, consultant, and founder of Mighty Oak Ministries (www.mightyoakministries.com). For more information on small group ministries, check her website and blog atwww.whydidntyouwarnme.com.

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Small groups are a wonderful equipping forum when they are healthy, but because the body of Christ is made up of real people, they often bring their quirks and dysfunctions to a group. Sometimes leaders may find themselves in the frustrating situation of trying to keep their group on track when challenging group members may attempt to derail the meeting’s focus.

Pat Sikora has facilitated and participated in numerous small groups over the years. Now she’s written a book in order to share some of this expertise. The primary focus of Why Didn’t You Warn Me is to coach group leaders on how to deal with specific group members’ hang ups, using hypothetical character sketches to pose problems they may present.

Sikora believes there are seven key principles for group leaders and they are as follows:

1) The purpose of any small group should be to grow its members to maturity in Christ

Sikora looks at each of these principles in depth while providing leaders tips for interacting with members. If you’ve ever been caught in the situation of dealing with difficult group members, this book will prove invaluable. You’ll definitely want to include it in your arsenal of resources for training group leaders.

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DBMIM- March 21, 2008