MIM EZINE, NOVEMBER 3, 2005
CONTENTS – Purpose-Filled Ministry – Small Groups: Key to Spiritual and Physical Growth – Classified Ads --- To read this ezine in its entirety click here --- Access Your PC from Anywhere - Free Trial plus 10% Off! ---
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--- Small Groups: Key to Spiritual and Physical Growth By Teena M. Stewart You are more likely to meet people’s needs in a small group setting than in a large group. Ask a leader of a growing, thriving church why their church is growing and thriving and they’ll likely tell you small groups are a key factor. Christian small groups can transform lives. I have seen it first hand. They provide a strong foundation for those who want to experience the fullness of Christian community and grow mature in Christ. The American lifestyle and the quest for independence and material wealth, leaves many Americans materially wealthy but spiritually empty and lonely. We live in an extremely busy society where people rush from one commitment to another. Nowadays it isn’t uncommon for people to go days or even weeks without ever seeing or speaking to their neighbors. Privacy fences and garages allow people to come and go without ever having face-to-face encounters. In addition, people no longer live in one place all of their lives. Job transfers often require that they move away from friends and family, and though they may pride themselves in their independence, in reality people may feel cut off from the world. All of these combined factors make it difficult to feel a sense of belonging. Inwardly they may ask, “Is there anyone out there who cares?” Small groups can meet this felt need for belonging on a more intimate level. Every church, no matter its size, can benefit from small groups. The larger a church grows, the more crucial it is to have such groups, as the sense of alienation increases with the size of the church body. Imagine coming to a church for the first time and not knowing anyone. This happens all the time. Now imagine coming back the next week and the next and only being able to get to know people during or after the service, which typically provides about five to ten minutes of socialization time. There is still very little time to make a connection and get to know the other church attendees. Relationships remain surface relationships. If someone continues to feel that sense of disconnectedness, they may become what I call a Missing in Action member. Their attendance will be spotty at best and they may disappear off the radar screen all together. One of the other benefits of small groups is that they take the responsibility for shepherding and caring for the flock off the shoulders of paid staff and place it elsewhere. This is a very Biblical model. When Moses felt overwhelmed by his duties caring for the Israelites, Jethro, his savvy father-in-law, suggested that he assign people to oversee and make judgments over small groups of people. (See Exodus 18:13-16.) This allowed Moses to tend to other matters. When churches have small group leaders in place, it frees up the church staff to manage other responsibilities. Small groups provide a climate where people can move from shallow relationships to something deeper. With these deeper relationships come: a safe environment for support, assistance with helping members explore biblical principles, a greenhouse environment for growth and maturity, a place for training and equipping leaders and teachers. As a church leader if you have ever wondered how to develop more leaders, let me assure you that small groups are a key venue. Small groups, however, are not a magic salve that will solve all of your church’s ailments, but they can certainly help your church body as a whole stay more spiritually healthy while helping members feel connected, loved, and valued. They are not only important for your members but also for your leaders, including staff because participation in groups help them develop genuine concern for each other and learn to view each other both family and team while growing spiritually. The more community and spiritual nurture you can provide your body the healthier your church will be. Small groups are a crucial vehicle for accomplishing this. In addition to being editor of Ministry in Motion, Teena Stewart is a published author and speaker. This article is condensed from Teen's' new book Secrets of Successful Small Groups: Everything You Need to Know About Launching & Facilitating Christian Small Groups. Order Now.. For more information on speaking visit speaker directory. --- Earn Commission by Selling Ministry in Motion Products Do you have a reseller program? MIM readers often write in with this question. The answer is yes. If you have Christian products you would like to sell or if you wish to resell MIM products for commission be sure to visit our affiliate page. Earn up to 65% commission! Learn More! --- Book Review – Good News for the Chemically Dependent and Those Who Love Them By Jeff VanVonderen, Bethany House, Copyright 2004, ISBN 0764200380, 239 pages Reviewed by Teena Stewart Jeff VanVonderen draws on his expertise as an intervention specialist. He is a national and international speaker and consultant on addiction, family systems, and recovery. A former substance abuser himself, VanVonderen understands substance abuse issues from the inside out. Good News for the Chemically Dependent and Those Who Love Them is written for people who did not say no to drugs and substances AND for the family members who must bear the burden caused by the dysfunction that such additions cause. VanVonderen believes that humans have three basic needs: the need to be loved and accepted, the need to feel worthwhile and of having a purpose, and finally the need to feel that we are not alone. The major purpose of the body of Christ is to convince those in the body not only that they are loved and accepted but also that they are not alone. The church is supposed to be an unconditional environment where Christ’s love is shown through acceptance and forgiveness. Unfortunately, this often isn’t the case. Within the church walls certain behaviors are taboo. Those who wrestle with substance abuse are expected to pull their act together and be perfect. This results in a charade where they may appear to have reformed, but the deep seeded problems that caused the dysfunction and additions in the first place often remain. It is VanVonderen’s goal to teach families of chemically dependent people how to respond to the dependent family members and to enlighten Christians, Christian counselors, and clergy regarding how they can improve their responses to individuals and families who are torn apart by these destructive circumstances. Is chemical dependency a sin or a sickness? Both, says VanVonderen. He believes it is a disease – not the substance use itself – but rather the state of being dependent on chemicals to the exclusion of healthy relationships. Where some may believe that calling it a disease lets the dependent person off the hook, VanVonderen feels that the revelation that one has a disease means that person must be responsible to do something about it. And though dependency misses God’s mark and results in abuse of the body which can be considered sin, expecting someone to simply quit the behavior that causes the bodily abuse is not enough. The disease is still present and it needs to be treated so that healthy relationships can happen and the person can rejoin life. In order to bring about true healing – and there’s no guarantee that this can happen for everyone because the problems are so deeply rooted – families must learn to pinpoint and deal with the cause of the behaviors. The author devotes an entire chapter to shame and the cancer it causes in families of chemically dependent people. Shame is often at the hub of the dysfunction. It is at the center of the abuser’s emotions and feelings, and is a weight family members must bear. It is used to try to curb the abuse problems by those in the dependent’s sphere of influence. It is frequently the main concern of families and churches who use it as leverage to bring the abuser into abstinence. It also passes from one generation to the next. VanVonderen cautions that in many cases churches and families view abstinence as the end all result, putting the dependent back under the law rather than under grace. This attitude ignores the fact that the damage has already been done to the family and that the abuser must change from the inside out, not the outside in, in order to be truly healthy. Simply accepting Christ will not cause the transformation. He also warns that the former abuser may either develop new healthier behaviors, or turn to his or her old ways for comfort. In order for the transformation to stick, old behaviors must be replaced by new, healthier ones. VanVonderen also looks at co-dependents and patterns they develop in order to cope and this includes enabling the abuser. He challenges co-dependents to take the steps they need to be a healthy person even if the chemically dependent person they love never gets better and even if that person has accepted Christ. Sometimes this requires drastic changes on their part. VanVonderen comes down heavily on the church and its response to the chemically dependent. In many cases there is little or no support for dependents or co-dependents. They are simply expected to clean up their act. The church body places blame and shame on the abuser so that theses individuals put on a false façade of having reformed, hiding their true behavior, or they do learn to abstain, without any attention being given to healing the wounds and issues that caused them to become an abuser in the first place. He urges the church to work at becoming a God-based, grace-full environment where people can experience, forgiveness and healing. Even providing a forum where such tough issues such as chemical dependency can be talked about and presented to congregational members is something churches may want to explore so that they can lay the groundwork for future support and healing. VanVonderen’s book includes diagrams to help explain how these behaviors involve each family member and the dependent. The book is divided into two sections. The first half deals with the causes and patterns of dysfunction. The second half of the book covers ways we can help both the dependents and co-dependents find help and healing. Counselors, pastors, and family members who deal with chemically dependent people and/or their co-dependents are advised to add this book to their personal library. It is invaluable for understanding and responding properly so that healthy support is given. It’s time to end the shame game, and become extenders of grace, providing a caring environment where these needs are not only addressed, but loving support is given so that healing is complete.
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