MIM Ezine, November 16, 2010

-- Book Review, "Help Me Break This Habit: You Can Be Free from Doing the Things You Hate", By Quin Sherrer and Ruthanne Garlock, Chosen, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

Small groups are a great way to build community, learn biblical principles together and create a trusting environment where members can pray for one another and support each another. Small groups are family away from family. I honestly believe that the church is closest to God’s ideal when the body meets together in this fashion. The simplicity of small groups is what makes them so powerful.

But groups that have been gathering for any period of time can fall into a rut. Folks may come to socialize and learn, but may ask “what’s in it for me?” In order to teach your group members to be outwardly focused, it is good to occasionally involve them in service and giving opportunities. Rolling up one’s sleeves helps members see first hand why helping the poor and underprivileged is so close to God’s heart.

· Begin by researching giving opportunities in your area. This might mean calling some of your local non-profits and charitable organizations to find out what their needs are.

· Remember that many charities due to staffing constraints are often not open on weekends or evenings.

· Consider that many charities’ greatest needs are often financial. You might want to hold a fundraiser: a garage sale, bake sale, fundraising dinner, charity auction, benefit night at your local ball park, benefit concert, are just a few suggestions.

· Check with your church to see if there are folks within the church body, especially those who more mature members or shut ins, who might benefit from a work day. Be sure to clear it with the individual first as some people are embarrassed or not ready for this type of giving.

· Brainstorm ideas with your group members. You’d be surprised as what creative ideas they might come up with.

At Safe Harbor, the women’s rescue mission where I work, one small group began periodically visiting in the evenings to share devotions and a dessert with our residents. The more often they visited the more the group enjoyed being a part of the women’s lives. The group gradually increased their involvement and now they come every other week, and engage in a number of activities. They’ve taken residents on outings, helped provide home furnishings for graduates of the program and some group members have even become mentors to the women. Just recently they invited graduates to join their small group and participate in working with new residents at the rescue mission. So now these women have a chance to touch the lives of residents in the very program that helped them get back on their feet.

I know of another group that gathers monthly and carpools to a local food ministry where they help carry groceries to cars. They pray with the folks as they load in the groceries. Still another young adult group plans to help build a prayer room at another non-profit. Another group held a Wish List drive for a charity.

Ample opportunities exist for giving back. When group members reach outside themselves, they are often astounded at the impact it has on their lives. When we touch lives, we are blessed as greatly as those whose lives we touch.

Teena Stewart is a published author and artist. She and her husband, Jeff, operate Java Journey a Christian coffee shop ministry (http://www.javajourney.org.) Her most recent book is Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice. For more info about Teena visit http://www.serendipitini.com. You are welcome to email her with questions or comments at smartwords@embarqmail.

Some time after you have your first child, right after you cry and thank God for this beautiful gift from above, there is the terrifying moment when you realize that you have got to escape. You suddenly become aware of the magnitude of this commitment and you start praying fervently for a release, any respite, even two or three hours away from this vortex of responsibility that you’ve unwittingly landed yourself in.

I’m speaking about other parents, mind you. My wife and I have only experienced bliss every moment of every day with our children.

So there you are, brainstorming about how you can get relief from the incessant demands, nonstop screaming, and endless fussing, when two beautiful words float into your consciousness like a beacon from heaven: babysitter! Ahh, are there any, more beautiful words in the English language (besides Krispy Kreme, I mean)? I think not.

When searching for a babysitter, it’s important that you choose one that is both qualified and responsible. But before I go any further, I should define what I mean by “qualified.” The qualifications you want in a baby sitter are:

1] Un-incarcerated—You want to make sure she is not currently in jail. Later, you might have to bend this rule if you really, really need a night away from the kids and no one else is available. But when you’re first starting out, shoot for the moon and try to get a baby sitter who isn’t behind bars.

2] Conscious—Make sure that your babysitter is mostly awake ( i.e., not in a coma). For example, let’s say your prospective babysitter is hospitalized, but still somewhat lucid. Should you still hire her? You betcha! As long as she can keep one eye open and ring the call button, you needn’t be concerned.

That about covers it for qualifications, but it’s also important to make sure she is dependable. Oh sure, you need to be able to depend on her to take care of your kids and all that stuff, but the main thing is, you need to be able to rely on her to show up for the gig. I can’t tell you the heartbreak of planning to get away for a while, and then having the babysitter stand you up. When this happened to me, I sat down wept like my kitty-cat had been gunned down by the Mafia. It’s that sad. There’s no coming back from that kind of grief.

But what is a couple to do if they can’t afford to hire a babysitter? No worries, mate. There are solid solutions for this dilemma. How to get a babysitter when you don’t have any money:

1] Throw a party for reliable teenage girls. Invite just one girl. When she shows up, tell her you have to go out for a few minutes to get more ice. Return five hours later. Thank her for coming to your party and send her home.

2] Set up a “scholarship program for trustworthy teenage girls.” Invite your applicant over to your house for an interview. After she arrives, leave for several hours. Then come back home, tell the girl she got the “scholarship,“ and hand her five dollars. Tell her you have another scholarship available and ask her if she’d like to interview for it next week at the same time.

3] There isn’t a parent alive that isn’t aware of the benefits of Vacation Bible School. People that don’t even believe in the Bible will dump their kids at the church for a couple weeks in the summer just to get a break. So why is it only held in the summer? Why not join the board of your church and suggest Friday and Saturday night VBS? Everyone wins!

The hardest thing I’ve found about getting a babysitter, though, is learning to trust someone else with the care of my little ones. It was a tough lesson for me because, like most parents, I feel protective of my kids. I want to be there to guide them through dangerous situations, to rescue them when needed, and encourage them when they fall. But the thing I’m learning is that I can’t always be there. I’m not omnipotent. I’m not omnipresent. I’m not God.

And here’s the really hard part—my children don’t really even belong to me. They are on loan from God for a season of their lives. My job is to nurture and protect them as best I can and teach them that even when their earthly father isn’t there for them, their heavenly Father always is there.

By Quin Sherrer and Ruthanne Garlock, Chosen, (2009, ISBN # 10:0800794648, 199 pp)

I have to admit I pre-judged this book by its title before ever opening it. I expected a dry book that gave step-by-step instructions on how to stop certain destructive behaviors such as smoking or overeating. What could the authors possibly write an entire book on that couldn’t be said in an article? Instead, I found that the book was actually interesting and is solidly founded on biblical and spiritual truths. Many of the destructive habits covered are ones nearly everyone wrestles with.

Habits are formed by frequent repetition. We often do things we hate. According to the authors, in order to break away from these bad habits we must first admit that we have them. Each day we are faced with a choice of either following our own course or choosing to follow in God’s ways. And for change to happen for the better, we must work in partnership with God.

Some habits are obvious, while others, especially the most difficult ones to break, may either not be so glaring or are more accepted because so many people wrestle with them. For instance, someone might be very critical by nature, which is an obvious fault, but another person may have a bad habit of envy, which is not as obvious and may be concealed to most of those around him or her.

One memorable suggestion the book offers is that we remember the four R’s; “respect for God, respect for self, respect for others, and responsibility for our actions.”

Several different bad habits are covered including failure to forgive, smoking, workaholicism, gossip, worry, lying. In fact, the authors dedicate one particularly insightful chapter to learning how not to be over controlling. The chapter also talks about the subtleties of manipulation. We may be unaware we are manipulating others or are victims of it. Parents, whose children are grown, may try various attempts to control their children in order to achieve the results they want. This chapter increased my awareness of both my own attempts at manipulation and the manipulation others—even by those who love us.

The authors use scripture as their undergirding as well as real stories of people who have wrestled with particular habits. They conclude each chapter with a prayer. For those who are weary of coping with undesirable habits and hang-ups, this book offers hope for overcoming them. It’s great for your own self-improvement purposes or to use as a counseling resource.

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DBMIM November 16, 2010