MIM EZINE, SEPTEMBER 17, 2005

CONTENTS

– Login Leadership:  Self-differentiation

– Purpose-filled Ministry – When You Dream, Dream Big, Part II, Tasking Risks in Ministry

– Book Review – The Grace of Catastrophe: When What You Know About God Is All You Have

– Classified Ads

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To read this ezine in its entirety click here

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Dear MIM Subscribers,

In the wake of hurricane Katrina many Christians and their churches want to help but don't know how. Purpose Driven Ministries has created a special Web page that lists many different opportunities to help churches affected by Hurricane Katrina and also for relief of those in the Gulf Coast region. This excellent Web site even provides a way for churches to adopt churches. Needs include food, diapers and other physical resources, and of course money. There are also volunteer opportunities posted. You'll also find uplifting stories sharing how God is working in the region. Please share this information with others who may want to help. Here's the link Purpose Driven hurricane relief

Teena Stewart
Editor, Ministry in Motion

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Searching for a New Ministry Position?

One of the needs we have perceived at Ministry in Motion is a service to help connect qualified ministers and church workers to ministry related and church staff positions.  If you are presently in job search mode, or if you have a ministry position you are looking to fill, be sure to visit this page. ministry openings

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Login Leadership:  Self-differentiation

Thomas Hanover

Mrs. Snobgrass, chairperson of the Women’s Building Auxiliary, wrote you, the Chair of the Personnel Committee, complaining that the pastor has not given enough recognition to the many volunteers taking care of the flower beds and landscaping around the church.  she hands you this letter in tears and fears the church will decline and close due to such negligent pastoral leadership.  She claims she already knows two families looking to go elsewhere.

What do you do?

It is easy for a church leader to get snookered into being responsible for other people’s problems.  We want to be problem solvers.  We want to help people.  And in the church there are many people who would like to assist us with our need to be needed.

But effective leadership does not depend on our need to be wanted, appreciated,  admired, or liked.  To be an effective leader is to help a group of people reach mutually desired goals.  In the church those goals are mission and ministry.  Are we really making disciples of Jesus Christ by solving Mrs. Snobgrass’ problem?

Edwin H. Friedman, therapist and ordained rabbi author of the book Generation to Generation described his application of family systems theory to leadership in the church.  Friedman was troubled by two extremes of leadership styles:  charisma and consensus.   He felt both had significant flaws and limitations.

Leadership by charisma works best when the group is in disarray, demoralized, confused, and helpless.  So when terrorists strike in New York City and Washington DC or hurricanes destroy New Orleans , we look for a leader with charisma.  We need someone who can say, “Here is what we’re going to do.”

But charismatic leadership does not always carry a group over for the long-term.  Winston Churchill’s charisma carried England during the war years, but was regarded as ineffective after the crisis of war ended. 

Leadership by consensus does compensate for an over dependency on one person.  And it can work well in small groups with a specific, mutually agreed upon objective.  Anyone, however, who has been married more than 18 months knows how difficult it is to come to a consensus in deciding where to eat out.

Most of the work of ministry in our society is done through institutions of some form or fashion.  Most of these institutions are too large, too complex, and the challenges too demanding to expect all of the stakeholders to come to a consensus; especially if the prevailing cause is peace and unity at any cost.

Friedman identified a third alternative:  leadership by self-differentiation.   “Self-differentiation is a term used to describe one whose emotional process is no longer ultimately dependent on anything other than themselves. They are able to live and function on their own without undue anxiety or over-dependence on others. They are self-sufficient. Their sense of worth is not dependent on external relationships, circumstances or occurrences.”    (Self-differentiation:  An Essential Attitude for Healthy Leadership, Thomas F. Fischer, Number 345)

This does not mean self-differentiated leaders don’t give a hoot about people.  It means their self-worth does not rely on the opinions of others.

Of all people, Christians have most reason to be healthily self-differentiated.  Christians believe that their self-worth is based upon God’s redemptive, faithful, eternal grace expressed most fully through Jesus Christ.  Christians understand that their worth has already been determined on the cross.

Therefore, Christian leaders can focus their attention on the mission (Matthew 28:19-20) and not become overly anxious about the approval and affection of other people.  Christian leaders do not lead because they need to be needed.  They lead in faithful obedience to God’s call.  They do not serve the people.  They serve God among the people.

The three responsibilities of a self-differentiated leader are:  connection, clarification, and conflict.

A healthily self-differentiated leader stays in touch with the people he/she leads.  General Thomas “Stonewall” Jackson was General Robert E. Lee’s right hand in the Confederate Army during the Civil War.  During battle Jackson , with a few staff, scouted the enemy lines under the cover of darkness.  Upon returning their own soldiers mistook them for Union soldiers and opened fire.  Jackson was severely wounded and died a few days later.

Some pastoral leaders become so disconnected with their group that the group mistakes them for the enemy.  It can be very painful, if not fatal.

An effective leader stays in touch, initiating conversations and opening the door for continuous discussion on issues important to the group.  While the leader may or may not agree with positions the group expresses, the leader stays engaged with the group regularly listening to their concerns.

The leader also clarifies his/her position based on the mission and vision.  “Here I stand.  I can do no other.”  The more specific, the more transparent, the more unambiguous these positions; the more helpful it will be to the group.  It is not a personality issue.  It is not a challenge to the unity of the group.  It is a declaration of personal conviction.

Generally, these positions of conviction create some anxiety in the group being led.  The leader stretches some of the system’s relationships.  In an unhealthy system there is much fear, confusion, disease, and angst.  Some may approach the leader to dissuade him/her from that position.

In a healthy system these convictions are managed with on-going conversation about the relationship of these clarifications with the mission and vision of the group.  Each group member is encouraged to develop clarification of conviction.

Leaders who skip either the first or the second responsibility will fail.  To try to lead without healthy connection to the group is futile.  John Maxwell says, “A leader without followers is merely out taking a walk.” 

To connect to a group without clarifying a position is not leading, but merely facilitating the group’s comfort.  It is like the difference between the hospitality staff and the captain on a cruise ship.  Pastors need to be captains, not hospitality staff.

Inevitably, self-differentiated leaders will face conflict and sabotage.  Rarely, does a group member plan intentionally about how one can sink the pastor’s ship.  It just happens.  A healthy leader will not ignore it or avoid it, but look for a healthy way to address it.

This is extremely difficult requiring significant grace and humility to intentionally position oneself where one will hear challenge and criticism.   It requires ample patience to clarify one’s vision over and over again.  But the rewards of a healthy, faithful, effective ministry are well worth it.

Tom Hanover has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for over 30 years, the last four as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southwest Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University , the MDiv and DMin degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton . Contact Tom at thanover@pastors-study.com

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Purpose-filled Ministry: When You Dream, Dream Big: Part II, Taking Risks in Ministry

Teena Stewart

I just got off the phone with someone I know who has a wonderful pop singing voice.  She sings in a Christian band and on her church’s worship team. When this woman sings something amazing happens. It is definitely a gift. When friends and acquaintances learned that American Idol was coming to her city to hold auditions they urged her to try out. She decided to do just that.

My friend told me about the experience. Imagine getting up at the crack of dawn to be issued a number, stand in line with thousands of other contestants all vying for a coveted position on this nationally televised talent contest. After an hour or so of filling out paper work, you are finally ushered into a huge stadium filled with contestants.  The stadium is divided into sections and each section has a manager who lines up those auditioning four at a time. When it’s your turn to sing you have only twenty seconds to sing you song while all around you there are others in close proximity auditioning as well.  You are surrounded with American Idol wannabes. 

My friend was so stressed about the auditions that her immune system weakened and she arrived with a severe cold and plenty of congestion to go with it.  She realized she’d made a poor choice in choosing her audition song and she choked when she finally had the opportunity to sing. 

To make it onto the show you have to be either really outstanding or so bad that they choose you (and she saw the later happen to a girl) to go on to the next level.  My friend suffered the fate of thousands of other contestants and was promptly eliminated without fanfare. It was such a humbling experience that she was reluctant to answer her phone because friends and family members were calling to see how she’d fared.  She’d tried to make a dream a reality and had failed.  Looking back she realized that the dream she’d tried to reach was more their dream than hers. She'd done it primarily at their urging.

Most of us would never even have the nerve to try out for something of this magnitude.  We tell ourselves, “I’ll probably bomb.”  And yet there are those who think they have what it takes so they take the risk.  Some make it to the finals but only one will be chosen the winner.  It makes one wonder.  What if everyone was too afraid to act on their dream? Or what if we set aside our dreams to act on the dreams of others because they told us it was the right thing to do? How would there ever be any great achievements? Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not saying that American Idol is what we should be focusing on. Hollywood stardom has its own downside.  The point I am trying to make is that many people who might be American Idol material never try out because they don’t dare to dream that big. They’re defeated before they start because of their own small mindedness.

Great things happen because someone dared to dream big -- great artworks rendered, great architectural works achieved, great discoveries made, and great freedoms won.  This is also true in church ministry.  When we confine ourselves to staying safe, our ministry is mediocre at best.  Only when we dare to dream about what we can achieve for Christ do we see maximum impact. This type of dreaming involves faith.

I have always enjoyed the Indiana Jones movies. I guess I am an adventurer at heart.  In the Indiana Jones movie the Last Crusade there is a scene where Jones comes to what appears to be a precipice.  The entryway to the chamber he is trying to reach is on the opposite cliff and is spanned by a huge gap.  A sheer and seemingly fatal drop stands between him and where he wants to be.  With villans closing in on him, Jones must make it across.  He steps out into what appears to be thin air but discovers there is actually an invisible narrow bridge. Jones reaches down and scatters sand across it which reveals it for what it is.  Jones is only able to cross over only after taking a leap of faith.

Strong leadership requires leaders who are risk takers, those who are willing, not only to dream, but to act on those dreams, putting goals in place to make them happen.  To many of us acting on those dreams is like stepping out into midair. We cannot see what is beneath us, only a deep, threatening gulf.

Have you felt the Lord urging you to do something but because of the risk involved you hold back? You don’t want to fail in the American Idol contestant sense of the word so you have done nothing.  Rather than dismissing the thought as ludicrous, consider who you know that you might work with as a team to make it happen. Share your dream with these individuals and talk about the possibilities.  Sometimes it is just a matter of voicing the dream to get others to see the potential as well.

Your next step is to pray about it and to ask others to pray about it as well.  Bathe your dream in prayer. If you sense God is giving you a green light then bring people on board with you who can help you plot your course to make it happen.

God often asks his people to do seemingly impossible tasks.  Remember the story of the feeding of the five thousand? (Mark 6:35-44). The disciples didn’t believe the boy’s lunch could feed that many. God showed them otherwise. The Israelites didn’t believe God would deliver the land to them.  They were overwhelmed by the spies’ reports regarding the size of the enemy’s armies and cities. God showed them otherwise. (Num. 13:26-14:24 .)

Jesus talked about faith the size of a mustard seed, the tiniest seed imaginable. (Matt 17:20-21) However the mustard plant grows to be a rather impressively sized bush.  If we could see the outcome ahead of time, then it wouldn’t be faith. Dreaming big starts with mustard seed faith and is a faith building process.  God wants us out of our comfort zones.  He never said Christianity would be safe.  He calls us each to be risk takers.

What could you do for Him if you acted on your dream?

In addition to being editor of Ministry in Motion, Teena Stewart is a published author and speaker. Her most recent published work includes Soul Matter for Women which you can find on MIM's women's ministry page.  For more information on speaking visit MIM's speaker directory.

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Book Review – The Grace of Catastrophe: When What You Know About God is All You Have