MIM Ezine, September 17, 2008

-- Book Review: "Silent God: Finding Him When You Can’t Hear His Voice", by Joseph Bentz, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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Alex was mystified. He had just moved to Pleasant Valley Church a week earlier. The first Sunday went wonderfully. People were gracious and generous in their welcome. Alex felt perhaps he had hit his stride. It felt like a perfect fit.

But three days later at the emergency finance meeting, it felt very differently. Everyone wanted him to solve their financial issues, but no one wanted to listen to his ideas. He felt he had to interrupt the conversation just to get his input on the table. Had he misunderstood the situation?

The first 100 days in any appointment is critical. There are a few tasks that need to be accomplished. The amount of time and attention a leader devotes to any of these tasks varies with every situation and location. Others may suggest a different list of tasks, but here are five I am addressing as I go through my own transitions.

The first task is that a leader needs to build relationships. No matter how small or large the ministry setting is, ministry is all about relationships. In a smaller ministry setting, the leader builds relationships directly with the congregation. In a larger more complex situation, those relationships may be focused on the leadership team or the ministry staff. Without healthy relationships leadership will be like swimming through Jell-O with both hands tied behind one’s back. I suppose it can be done, but why would one want to?

In my ministry setting (a pastor of a church) I have been working on relationships in three ways. I have been working to meet with each one of the staff persons individually. That time is spent listening to the staff person describing his/her responsibilities. How is their job different from the written description? What do they like about their work? How can I help them to be effective?

The focus of this conversation is not supervision and direction. The focus is to build relationship and learn who the person behind the position is. Supervision and direction will come later and is made possible by developing healthy relationships first.

A second way to build relationships is to listen to people. In my current setting we have developed 15-20 small group gatherings in individual homes for anyone who wanted to meet with the pastor. Most gatherings included 12-18 people, usually over light snacks or desserts. During the gatherings I asked questions about the church:

The questions are designed to thwart our attention from merely complaining. Some churches are good at “whining and dining.” The questions can focus people beyond our personal preferences towards mission and vision. Some gurus recommend someone else record all the responses, but I have done this task myself. It portrays me as one who is actively and thoughtfully listening to everyone. I resist the temptation to comment on every thought. I don’t want to sound defensive or as if I am the expert on every topic. The point is to build relationships, not impress people with my breadth of knowledge on my past experiences.

When I first started out in ministry, an older and wiser pastor shared with me his advice to start by preaching a series of sermons on what I believe. I have done that in just about every new ministry situation. It is an opportunity to share a little about me personally, and more importantly, share some of my basic convictions. They are done humbly and with some vulnerability. It has opened the door for me to share some of my story.

What most people want to know about a new leader is: can I trust this person? Will he/she love me? Can I rely on his/her judgment? These techniques can help a leader build healthy relationships in the very beginning.

The second task is to learn the culture. I am a product of the Midwest. Nearly all of my ministry opportunities have been in the same Midwestern state in churches of the same denomination. And yet, each setting has its own history and its own personality. I have served multiple point charges (more than one church sharing one pastor). Each church has its own personality. I have served larger churches with multiple worship times and locations. Each service has its own personality.

Take time to learn the culture by listening to the stories. There are some stories I have heard at least a dozen times. Yet, each time I have listened for the unique spin and nuance this storyteller puts on the story. Sometimes, I reflect back what others have said, and sometimes I just file it away for my own personal benefit.

Do your homework. Most churches have written materials or at least oral traditions for policies, procedures, plans, hopes, dreams, and more. What standing committees are in place and who sits on these committees? Which ones are working well and which ones need help? Who are the leaders everyone respects, even if they are not in any office?

Know your community setting. Have you met community leaders who are not part of your church? I am amazed that even in more metro areas, people not in the congregation will talk about the new leader. Will your focus be inward towards the congregation or outward towards the community? That will likely be shaped by how the leader apportions the schedule in those first few months.

Clarify expectations. What are your expectations of your staff, your key leaders, and the congregation as a whole? Are they realistic expectations? What is realistic for the congregation to expect of you? Most churches want the new pastor to be good at everything the former pastor was not. What they do not verbalize is that they want the new pastor to also be good at everything the former pastor was. In other words, the congregation wants the new leader to be perfect.

The temptation is to set a pace no one can continue for a long period. Ministry is a marathon, not a sprint. Therefore, a wise leader will communicate clearly realistic expectations. Often this is wisely done in conversation with those key leaders who know the congregation well and have insight in the character of ministry leadership.

Don’t take it personally. It is easy for a new leader to become intoxicated with the flattery and praise of the congregation in those early days; or to become discouraged with the anger and frustration of leaders in those early days. Usually, it has little to do with the new pastor and more to do with unresolved issues with the previous leadership.

Listen carefully and graciously. Usually, people become aware of the inappropriateness of their expressions as they hear it expressed verbally. With those who do not seem aware of their dynamics, a wise leader can gently inquire what specific actions they have taken to stimulate this frustration or lack of trust. As people ponder this, they may attempt to dismiss it by suggesting that it wasn’t anything specifically or that they cannot remember what it was. Sometimes it is necessary for the leader to name an elephant in the room – the obvious issue that no one wants to speak about. In the process of naming those observations, it can open the door for leaders to talk about their concerns.

Savor the transition. If a leader is tempted to merely recreate the past in the current opportunity, he/she has wasted an excellent chance to grow into a new level of leadership. The internal transition of letting go of the past to realign with a new reality can open the doors to tremendous opportunity for change within the leader. What new gifts and abilities might emerge in this new situation? What experiences and learnings can sprout in these new encounters?

For me, that means taking some time to ponder what makes me uncomfortable. Is it a challenge to my call and convictions, or an echo of some past pain? Is it okay to not be the expert the first day, the first month, or the first year? Am I willing to learn some new approaches?

In letting go of the past and making oneself vulnerable – open to change – in the future, God can continue the work of equipping and perfecting the leader for the task of ministry. May God bless you in your new beginnings!

Tom Hanover is Advertising and Promo Director of MIM ezine. He has served in a variety of pastoral leadership roles for more than 30 years, the last seven as a District Superintendent supervising the ministries of more than 100 pastors and churches in southern Ohio. He has a BA (cum laude) from Taylor University, and the MDIV and DMIN degrees from United Theological Seminary in Dayton. You can contact Tom athanover@dbmim.net.

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In the 1990s, the Promise Keeper Movement entered the Christian community, for the purpose of training men to take more active roles in their homes, churches, and community. Our mere presence there was not enough. PK challenged us to become a Christian influence, and a Christ-like leader.

At that time, I was a father with young children with whom I had a hard time connecting. After all, I was charged with conquering my corner of the world and bringing home resources for my wife and our little crumb crunchers. My place was to compete and win in the world’s playing field. My wife’s task was to provide nurturing care for emotional and personal needs of our kids, myself and anyone else who wandered into our lives. Right?

I heard the message a number of times that men needed accountability and community, and we should be vulnerable servants as we lead our homes. Yet not until the 3^rd or 4^th PK event did I get it. The speaker was a former chaplain for the NFL, and while I don’t remember his name, I will never forget the message.

When a player retired, the chaplain followed up, and part of his conversations included this question. “What did you miss most about leaving the NFL field of battle?”The roar of the crowd, a hard fought win, a championship – that’s what I expected to hear. After all, we’re warriors, right? The chaplain’s answer caught me by surprise like a pulling guard leading an end around. The answer he heard most often was that the former players missed the huddle.

Between the crashing blows on the scrimmage line and the roar of the crowd, when the action stopped the players huddled - checking with each other. How was it going? Do we need to make adjustments? They gave encouragement for a well executed assignment – or a kick in the pants when needed. The adulation from the anonymous crowd faded quickly for the retired gridiron warrior. But the loss of fellowship in the huddle created the biggest emotional hole. In the huddle, they could regroup, draw from the strength of brotherhood, and rise to the task at hand. The speaker then said the words that transformed my outlook on following Christ.

We need a place where the walls are lowered, and we allow others to walk the journey with us. We will at some time fall, and need friends to help us up. Other times your strengths provide a vital support for another fellow warrior. We need a huddle. We need each other if we are to carry Christ’s call from our end of the field past Heaven’s distant goal posts. Our goal isn’t to amass points for personal success. Our responsibility is to love and serve like Christ, and to bring as many others with us as we can. We are to know God and make him known. (See John 17.3)

As believers, Jesus’ last words are a charge to become transformational. This work includes preaching, baptizing, planning, preaching, teaching, (and the items on your planner’s to do list.) But when was the last time you wrote into your planner to spend time “Making Jim / Mary into a better disciple of Christ.” Is the assumption we have been working under that when we do ministry stuff, disciples are the result? If so, it’s time we question our assumption.

“did life together.” Jesus taught, preached, baptized . . . He accomplished all the “ministry stuff.” Yet, I believe that in the quiet moments, after the crowds left Jesus transformed farmers, fisherman, and outcasts into disciples.

When the day had ended, the disciples could see that Jesus wasn’t about the big meetings, but about healing hearts. In Luke 9, Jesus sent the disciples out to minister and announce the kingdom. When they returned, he didn’t send them back out on the wave of their emotional and spiritual high. He “took them, and went aside into a desert place,” (Luke 9.10) where they could drop their defenses, and build life transforming relationships

Christ’s followers who want to be transformational leaders are called to imitate Christ. In a small group or intentional community we can become vulnerable, honest and transparent. When we “do life together” in a small groups, friends make it possible to acquire wisdom, confess our sins, gain encouragement, overcome issues that may otherwise hinder us from wholeheartedly serving Christ. Face to face with our brother and with our God, we are transformed and we become the transformational agents God intended. (See 2 Cor. 5.17-19)

In summary, the purpose of this column is to dig into and unpack three key strategies which are essential for creating transformational Christians who in turn build transformational churches.

I don’t want to be misunderstood; I am not suggesting that this ministry model is “The One Missing Key” to effective church growth. Rather, this column will investigate how small group ministry will create measurable, transformational growth in Christ’s followers and in your organization. Over the next few months, this column will look at small group ministry from a full 360 degrees. At times we will study the Bible. Other months will uncover testimonies of those whose lives have changed as the result of intentional Christian community. The purpose is that we become a transformational influence in a fallen world and move in strength to fulfill Jesus' Great Commission.

Doing life together by building relationships through intentional small group communities is the cornerstone to successfully creating disciples who will continue to be faithful and fruitful Christ’s followers.

On a scale of 1-10, how would you rank your acceptance of this concept? Do you see the value of small group ministry? Would you be willing to implement a small group ministry approach to discipleship in your organization / church? What would that be accepted in your organization?

Next month we will look at Paul’s missionary trip to Thessalonica to flesh out the picture of what intentional community looks like. Between now and then, write down one step you will take toward making intentional relationships a priority as you follow Christ. Some suggestions are:

· Select a friend to meet with on a regular basis as an accountability partner - an intentional partner on the journey.

· Meet with another pastor or minister in your area that is known for this style of ministry, and tap his or her wisdom.

Timothy Burns lives in West Michigan, and has written professionally for six years. Timothy’s writing reflects a deep connection to cultural influences, Christ centered living, and how often unwritten patterns can influence our behaviors and beliefs, because while people differ by continent and decade, human nature does not. The ability to identify the human element or organizational culture sets Timothy’s work apart from what can be otherwise commonplace copy. His writing spans topics of Christian living, apologetics, and the hidden benefits that often surface through personal trials.

Most Christians have experienced a feeling of alienation from God and may have asked, “Why can’t I hear God’s voice?”

Joseph Bentz, author and professor of English at Azusa Pacific University, believes much of the problem is related to noise. Bent’s daily interface with young people so addicted to technology they cannot set aside their electronic devices in the classroom, and his own experiences with stress related to technology are key reasons he felt compelled to write Silent God: Finding Him When You Can’t Hear His Voice.

The book’s first chapter is entitled, “Is God Too Quiet or is the World Too Noisy?” Bentz feels we are succumbing to many of the technological advances meant to make our lives easier, but instead they create stress. Many of us, like his students, are so hooked on cell phones, text messaging, Internet, and email, we have difficulty setting them aside. In addition to the anxiety they create, they also stifle our creativity and block our communication lines to God. How can we hear Him speak to us when we are inundated with so much noise?

Bentz offers suggestions for how we can reduce the clamor which is the first step to tuning into God. But even if we do manage to filter out much of the racket, we may still have difficulty deciphering what God is telling us. It helps to understand how God communicates. In order to provide the reader greater insight, Bentz provides several biblical examples as well as suggestions as to why communication may break down.

In a frantically busy technological world, we must take active steps to get to a place where we can converse with our Heavenly Father. It is more than just talking at Him; it involves listening to Him, too. And to truly listen, most people have to adjust their lifestyles. Reading Silent God will help put you on the right track.

Teena Stewart is a published author and ministry consultant and coach for DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion (www.ministryinmotion.net). Her book, Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice is available through Beacon Hill. For spiritual gifts resources developed by Teena visit http://www.ministryinmotion.net/gift_spiritual.html

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DBMIM September 17, 2008

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