MIM Ezine, September 25, 2008

-- Book Review: "Uprooting Anger: Destroying the Monster Within," by Kay W. Camenisch, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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My husband, Jeff, and I enjoyed watching the Olympics this year. The highlight was watching superman Michael Phelps capture eight gold medals—the most gold medals ever won at a single Olympics by one individual. Phelps now holds 14 career gold medals, the most held by any Olympian. He’s a lean, mean, swimming machine.

The lowlight (if there is such a term) was watching both the U. S. men’s and women’s relay teams smoking down the track only to crash and burn losing all hopes of a medal after dropping the baton when attempting to pass it to their partners in preliminary heats.

How could we be so excellent at track and so amateurish at something as simple as handing off a stick?

But that’s not the only baton dropping disappointment I have suffered through recently. The other disappointment has to do with respectable teams dropping the baton in ministry-related areas. Take the area of marriage for instance. Yes, I consider marriage a ministry.

Just a few weeks ago, James* (*not his real name) a well-respected Christian leader I know dropped the baton. A year earlier he and his wife had celebrated their 25^th year of marriage--quite a landmark event in these uncertain times. He and his wife have led a couples’ Sunday School class for some time. And many of these younger couples respected and looked up to them as marriage mentors. James also served as a deacon. So when he suddenly decided to separate from his wife, everyone was stunned. He resigned his deaconship and Sunday School leadership. His reason for separating—he’d lost that loving feeling. Crash! Down came the baton in front of hundreds of spectators.

It was like watching the Olympic fiasco all over again. But no amount of begging and pleading would change James’s mind. He had made his decision and was sticking to it. I know of at least three other Christian marriages among strong Christian leaders that are on the rocks. That doesn’t include all the ones that have already disintegrated. Christian marriages seem to have plenty in common with the U. S. track team. Things look great outwardly until the cracks begin to show, and suddenly the baton hits the ground.

Take heed ministry leaders; not even Christian leaders are immune. In fact, Christian marriages, which should stand heads and shoulders above secular ones, are only a short distance and a few percentage points behind the rest of the world when it comes to the divorce rate. We’re dropping the baton at an alarming rate.

What can we do? First, we need to apply this knowledge to our own marriages. We should never fall into the trap of thinking it can’t possibly happen to us. Next, when the going gets tough, dig in like Phelps. In one race, he finished a mere 1/100^th of a second ahead of his top competitor. Marriage is hard work, and we may only be hanging in there by a fingernail, but we need to persevere.

This is as true in ministry as it is in marriage because it applies to both. Remember, IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU! It’s about teamwork and commitment. The time may come when the feeling is gone or the track gets rocky. Couples have to dig in and work hard. Rough spots often smooth out. It’s easy to point the finger at the other partner, but we must also realize our own shortcomings and what changes we personally might need to make in order to improve the relationship.

The problem is most people don’t hang in there long enough to pass through those difficult times. If they default on their marriage agreement and the vows that they made before their spouse and God, they are letting both their teammate and spectators down too. If they bail out on their ministry commitments, without a doubt, people will be watching. Quitters send a silent message that it’s okay to give up when the going gets tough. So, don’t be surprised when a few years down the road other people bail out on their ministries or marriages. Hold tight to the baton. Practice the pass over and over and over again.

Finally, churches need to provide more proactive courses that teach people how to make long-lasting marital commitments and how to work through problem areas. This will result in fewer marital counseling classes for marriages that are on the edge of disaster. Often, by the time marriages need counseling, it is too late. One can only fake it for so long before it becomes evident that the relationship is falling apart. To be successful at marriage, couples have to tend to weaknesses before they become insurmountable. And they should not be ashamed to call in an expert coach to help improve their track performance.

In time it will become second nature to them and their team mate, and they will work so perfectly together that everyone who watches will only see

Teena Stewart is a published author and ministry consultant and coach for DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion (www.ministryinmotion.net). Her book, Successful Small Groups from Concept to Practice is available through Beacon Hill.

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I can remember it like it was yesterday. Hot summer in an old, unair-conditioned church, sitting in the front row watching my youngest son walk onto the stage dressed in a medieval costume with his scroll and “reading” his line, “Hear ye, Hear ye.” He then gave the point of the lesson and the memory verse of the day. You have to love Vacation Bible School! Of course, at his age, he couldn’t really read yet. His mother and I ran through the lines over and over again until he had them memorized, but it was the start of a long and beautiful adventure in the arts. For him? Yes, he’s been doing some sort of acting on and off ever since, but one of those nights launched something for someone else as well. Me.

You see, I was in a strange place. I had been a Christian for probably a little over a decade, but really serious about it for a few months. What happened to the rest of the decade? Something got in my way. What was it? Art.

Yes, that’s right - art - my God given gift, the thing I had done since I was three years old and probably even before that. It was the thing I am writing about every month in this column. Today it is my favorite tool with which to serve the Lord, but for a long time it was a stumbling block in my walk with Him.

Please remember, I wasn’t always a preacher. I was a kid who got picked on a lot. I felt like I wore a target most of my life. Creating stuff was my outlet, but for the most part, my creativity didn’t help me fit in. I considered art to be the only thing in this world I was ever really good at, so my plan was to go to art school after high school. My parents thought that was a really bad idea and refused to help support me going to school so I could “starve in an attic somewhere.” So I decided to go to school for electronics engineering instead, mainly because I was young and stubborn and the school was 400 miles from home. Having no aptitude or experience, I flunked out in a year and moved back home, where I got a job in a factory and became very depressed. I had dabbled in alcohol a few times in high school, but now with a job I hated, and very little hope and no faith, I decided to “go pro.” In the years between 19 and 22, if I wasn’t an alcoholic, it wasn’t for lack of trying.

Long story short, my sister set me up on a blind date with a preacher’s daughter, who led me to Jesus and saved my life. I started an art career of sorts, designing grocery circulars and freelancing anything I could get my hands on. I should have been happy, but the thing is, it was never enough. I always had something to prove. I always wanted more success, more money and the only way I could see to get that was to work more and more. Slowly art began to push everything else out including my relationship with God. At one point, I was working as much as 20 hours a day, seven days a week.

I still thought I was a believer, and I guess I was because I still prayed. Of course, most of my prayers were either for more work or castigating God for why he kept on letting me fail. One day, I heard His voice, the message was inescapable. “Dave, your art is your God.” I tried to keep it down, I tried to avoid it and kept right on working. A week later I found myself in Washington DC at a Promise Keepers event called Stand in the Gap. One by one the speakers stepped to the podium and confirmed what the Lord had said, and I began to wonder why God got all those guys together just to talk to me. By the end of the day, I knew what I had to do. I laid down the only thing I thought I was ever good at and promised God that I would never pick it up again until I did it for His glory and that’s exactly what happened.

During my “fast” from art, I felt the Lord leading me into ministry. Had I still been doing my art, I never would have had the time. I began by leading the youth at my church. I loved teaching them and found that sometimes we were learning together, but I had this real desire to make my teaching “stick” which brings me to back to the hot summer night in Vacation Bible School. I don’t know why I didn’t catch it before. We went over those lines a lot. But when my son walked onto the stage and said “Hear Ye, Hear Ye” the verse of the day was like the voice of God. “Each one should use whatever gifts he has received to serve others... (1 Peter 4:10)”

That verse stuck in my heart and at just the right time God brought it to mind. When He did, it was like a floodgate opened and I began to see how I could use my art to God’s glory, and that’s what I’ve been trying to do in Him ever since.

Why do I share this story? Because I run into a lot of people in the arts who are where I was. They are out of balance, out of control and wondering why God is not blessing what amounts to idolatry. I’ve been there. Your talent is a gift from God. How you will use it varies from person to person. Some will use their gift as a vocation and others an avocation. No matter how you use it, no matter what your gift or talent may be, understand that there is an overarching principal. Hear ye, Hear ye God’s gifts are to be used to God’s glory. How are you using your gift?

Dave Weiss is pastor of New Creation Fellowship in Reading, PA. By the grace of God, he founded A.M.O.K. Arts Ministry Outreach for the Kingdom, a web and speaking ministry dedicated to helping people use their creative gifts to serve the Lord and others. He writes Bible lessons for the youth ministry resource, Interlinc. He does art videos on his youtube channelhttp://www.youtube.com/user/amokarts. For more on Dave’s ministry go to http://www.radicallyreal.com

by Kay W. Camenisch (2007, Trafford Publishing, 154 pages, ISBN #1425112005)

The anger, hurts, and frustrations Kay Camenisch and her husband witnessed while counseling parents struggling to raise Godly children and while directing a residential treatment center for juvenile delinquents, led her to write Uprooting Anger.

Anger manifests itself in a variety of ways and rarely do we deal with it in a healthy way. Often it is caused by pride issues and past hurts. The deeper the hurts, the deeper the anger issues. Camenisch has developed a workbook with 31 biblically focused meditations covering anger subjects and lessons on coping with anger in a healthy manner. Some of these include rebellion, trusting God, controlling the tongue, guidelines for forgiving, self-centeredness, bitterness, and many other connected topics.

Each chapter includes a lesson and scripture passage, and prayer, followed by an application section that walks you through passages a few segments at a time. You’ll have the opportunity to write your answers as you work through the book and the end of each chapter includes additional scripture passages related to the chapter theme.

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DBMIM September 25, 2008

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