DreamBuilders Ministry in Motion (DBMIM) Ezine, March 21, 2008

-- Book Review: "Why Didn’t You Warn Me? How to Deal with Challenging Group Members," by Pat J. Sikora, reviewed by Teena Stewart.

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Our women’s small group took a break from regular meetings and planned a girls’ night out at a ceramic studio. We opened the event to other women from our church. Several regular attendees came and also brought others who did not normally attend church.

Faith, one of our group members, had previously struck up a relationship with Aileen, the ceramic studio owner. Aileen watched with interest as Faith painted a dove on a ceramic bowl and added a scripture verse. She later pulled Faith aside to ask the verse’s meaning. Faith explained it while talking about her faith in God.

The next week Faith returned to work on another project. Aileen approached her again and asked if Faith could tell her more about her God, revealing that she, and her husband, were Muslims.

Later, when our group met for Bible study, Faith shared her experience with Aileen. We sensed that Aileen might be ready to hear about Christ and talked about ways Faith could make that connection. For instance, Muslims celebrate the religious holiday of Ramadan, which was approaching. Plus they had a high regard for Abraham. Maybe Faith could use these as connecting links. Our group had just begun studying the life of Christ that walked members through the four gospels. It seemed like a perfect starting place for someone like Aileen.

     My vote for the lamest super hero of all time would have to go to the Phantom.
     The Phantom lived in the jungle and didn’t have any super powers at all. Instead he had a purple Spandex costume and a gun, which might explain why he had to ply his trade in the jungle. A few natives might’ve been impressed with a purple man and his bang-stick but it certainly wasn’t going to cut it with the League of Justice.
     I think his best chance of having a super power lay in the fact that he wore Spandex in a tropical climate. Odor like that could’ve felled an attacking tribe at about fifty paces. You would think that at some point he would’ve picked up a few clothing tips from Tarzan.
     Nevertheless, it was probably the influence of those two guys that inspired me to become a super hero myself. Thus, one summer morning when I was about 9 years old I put on a mask, a cape, and my swimsuit and ran into the woods behind my house to begin my life as Jungle Boy.
     I wish I were just kidding.

There I engaged in super hero-type activities such as climbing trees (very painful in a swimsuit) and running through the woods (also painful because of the abundance of briar patches). I also engaged in other super hero activities such as spying on the neighbors in search of crime and practicing throwing sticks, which I thought might come in handy in case I encountered any bad guys.
Rumors soon abounded in my neighborhood about a skinny, albino monkey that had apparently escaped from the local zoo and was now terrorizing the local woods. While vigilante teams were organized, debate raged from yard to yard about whether the monkey should be shot on sight or whether an effort should be made to capture the poor beast.

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There’s an old proverb that says, “Many people grow older, but few grow up.” Sadly, that could also be a commentary on the church and on our small groups. That’s why the number one focus of any group I lead is to bring people to maturity in Jesus Christ.

I believe that an effective small group can contribute to faster and deeper growth than almost any other type of ministry. I’ve never been interested in just warming a seat in the church service. I’m not even excited about evangelism in isolation. Yes, it’s important to worship and hear the Word taught. And yes, it’s vital to be a soul-winner. But in the American church, we have too many Christians who, even after 20 or 30 years in the faith, grow older but never seem to grow up: people who attend church, but don’t get involved; people who are won to salvation in Christ, but don’t mature.

In Ephesians 4:11-15, the apostle Paul reminds us that the gifts and offices are given to the church “to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ” (emphasis added). Note that, contrary to how many Christians live, this maturing process is not optional. Becoming mature is the purpose of every Christian and equipping people for maturity is the purpose of leadership.

In his book Let’s Have a Reformation, Jay Grimstead says, “Whatever Christian maturity is, all Christians are obligated to reach it as quickly as possible and all Christian leaders are obligated to help those sheep under their influence to reach that point.”

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Small groups are a wonderful equipping forum when they are healthy, but because the body of Christ is made up of real people, they often bring their quirks and dysfunctions to a group. Sometimes leaders may find themselves in the frustrating situation of trying to keep their group on track when challenging group members may attempt to derail the meeting’s focus.

Pat Sikora has facilitated and participated in numerous small groups over the years. Now she’s written a book in order to share some of this expertise. The primary focus of Why Didn’t You Warn Me is to coach group leaders on how to deal with specific group members’ hang ups, using hypothetical character sketches to pose problems they may present.

Sikora believes there are seven key principles for group leaders and they are as follows:

1) The purpose of any small group should be to grow its members to maturity in Christ

Sikora looks at each of these principles in depth while providing leaders tips for interacting with members. If you’ve ever been caught in the situation of dealing with difficult group members, this book will prove invaluable. You’ll definitely want to include it in your arsenal of resources for training group leaders.

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DBMIM Ezine March, 2008